When people read about Maidstone online, it’s like any other Kent town – full of [email protected] loitering around McDonald’s and “full time mummys” swanning around with their oversized prams looking to steal more baby clothes for their little Tegan-Louise or Harvey-John. But, the thing is, these are things that you’ll come across in pretty much any Kent town (Yes, even YOU, Canters..), meaning it doesn’t have anything that makes it particularly unique. That is, until you learn about the very thing that does just that, which is Angry. White. Men.
Holy ****, even I didn’t realise just how bad we’ve got them, and I’ve lived here for years and have unfortunately encountered them myself (even when it hasn’t been directed at me specifically). But what’s better is that they don’t get angry over logical things, such as a cheating partner, a relative stealing their money, and such. No, they will get angry if you so much as accidentally bump them on the high street or even just look their way for a split second. Do any of these things, no matter how minor they are, then they’ll be on you faster than you can say “you wot mate?”. With hurls of verbal abuse, or even physical if you come across a particularly psychotic one, these charming blokes will make you feel like you never want to step into the high street again.
Don’t look them in the eyes
I wish I was exaggerating when I said they get angry over just looking at them for even a split second, but I’m not. There used to be a bloke who used to wonder around the town, shouting abuse and physically threatening anyone who would so much as look at him. Obviously, I think this person was either on drugs or had some kind of mental issue (or both), but he clearly didn’t belong in public since he was blatantly disturbing the peace. Fortunately, I’ve always managed to avoid him, so I’ve been spared from his wrath. For now, at least…
That isn’t to say I haven’t had my share of Maidstone’s finest angry blokes. I once had a cyclist scream at me, calling me a “stupid ****” because I dare only step aside slightly on the bridge so he can speed off, not caring about the pedestrians around him. It’s not that I completely blocked his path or anything, but hey go off I guess. Other incidents included an older man in Sainsbury’s threatening me and my friends while we tried to decide which till to use (we had a trolley but made sure we weren’t blocking any aisles) and a younger bloke shouting out “self harmers” to us while we were leaving Millenium Park.
Another incident involved my old workplace. Fortunately, I wasn’t involved in this one but this one man came into the shop with three kids. Within minutes of entering he was swearing at them, pushing them, hitting them, and so on. What’s more is he started swearing at my colleague when she politely asked him what item he wanted to exchange.
Maidstone, **** in its purest form
Maidstone – The biggest moving mistake of my life
Maidstone – The town that progress forgot
Chatham – Viva **** Vegas
Sheerness: where hopes, dreams and junkies go to die
Dartford: once a thriving market town, now in decline
Kent as a whole is ******* ****, Whitstable is merely ****
Herne Bay: Kent’s finest for coke addled spontaneous sparring sessions