Located in the lovely Kingdom of Fife this is a sorry example of a town compared to its largest neighbours the Ancient Capital of Scotland Dunfermline and Planned New Town Glenrothes.
The pathetic excuse for a High Street- run down with **** shops and schemey indoor shopping malls the Mercat and the Postings. The beach which is dirty and polluted. The masses of derelict industries in and around Smeaton and Gallatown.
After dark night club, and Ned/**** Central- Kirkcaldy prom, where the boy racers go with their crappy pimped up gadge cars playing their rap and happy hardcore tunes making local residents lives a misery.
The former capital of the world of Linolium production- largely of which is now gone. The reek of linolium still haunts the place.
The town has so much unemployment it has been rated the 3rd poorest place in Scotland! Its now almost entirely run over with drugs and is 2nd only to Glasgow for its Sexually Transmitted Disease rates from all the unprotected mad shagging the **** get upto.
It is Gordon Brown- Chancellor of the Exchequers and MP for Kirkcaldy’s home town…. Says alot for him!
This is certainly a town thats had its day- some one call in the bull dozers or even better send in a nuke and clear away this mess of a town- do the rest of Fife a favour!
where do we begin? ok, well, the picturesque high street is lined on both sides by sport shops and “up” market, budget, ladies fashion emporia.
the high street also has an abudance of take away meat boutiques. i say meat because some of those kebabs are a bit stringy. outside these culinary palaces we can find the local ****, swigging buckfast and harrassing passer-bys for either **** or 10 pence. there are usually neddettes accompanying their beaus, showing off their latest tin-wear from elizabeth duke.
moving on from the delights of the high street we come to beveridge park, home to the local “dogging” club. if you are unfamiliar with the practice of dogging i suggest checking with a less reputable site :). the (once) lovely park is also the night time refuge of the local underage drinking scene where the natives gather to compare scars and debate the virtues of beige or blue burberry products. top of the debating clubs list this season is whether le coq is more ladie-pleasing the lacoste.
after you have taken your fill from this veritable garden of delights i invite you to move down towards the promenade where the local clubs can be found, jakie-o’s, the candle rooms and after dark. the weekend denizens of these watering holes provide fife constabulary with some much appreciated overtime and fife council with an excuse to try out their latest blood/vomit removers for the paving stones.
i trust you have enjoyed this brief tour through this (once great and historic) town.
remember, kevlar vests and personal protection devices are NOT an option, they are a requirement.