Halifax, West Yorkshire

North EastYorkshire

Nothing in the world can prepare you for Halifax! The scummiest hole in the whole world – my girlfriend who comes from Bristol is often gobsmacked by the detritus on view and she only sees it on a weekend when the s**m are dressed up!

During the weekdays it is even worse. Those of you from big towns and cities, think of the worst estate you know – Gipton and Halton Moor in Leeds spring to my mind – if the s**m hanging around the Happy Shopper there are tipped in to the town centre and you’ll be half there.

Even the pensioners are s**m, trying to use the main post office on a lunchtime you are immersed into an ammonia stinking, piss world, the mothers (13 – 16) push their Burberry buggies round, the baby girls ears already pierced and ready for the hoop earrings she’ll get for her 2nd birthday.

Daytime s**m hang around near the market close to the cheap shoe shops, Greggs and JJB Sports.

At night the town is a frightening place, anyone over 40 is in a huge minority. The scumettes are all identically dressed with more flesh on show than on an Ibiza beach and one thought strikes you: – Some of the girls have wonderful legs, tight lithe bodies and L’Oreal hair but they’re all ugly, every last one of them. (Did anyone see the daughter on C4’s Wife Swap broadcast 20th July? – fine example). Then of course there’s more than a fair smattering of the Size 18s in Size 12 clothes. Mind you it’s not like the blokes are a catch either, there’s definitely a narrowing of the gene pool around here and the almost palpable level of potential violence would be enough for George Dubya to send the troops in. Most of the shops around George Sq. closed years ago and turned into bars and then the council (who granted permission) complain that there’s too much of a drinking culture in the town. Scumettes are not chatted up & shagged in this town, they’re carried legless from the nightclubs and raped in an alleyway. A truly awful town.

Places to observe / avoid: Tramshed; any bar in George Sq; WC’s (used to be a public loo – ironic?);Coliseum;Yates; Jumping (Fighting) Jaks (replaced the last cultural outpost in town, the cinema);various curry houses around Lord Street after 2 a.m.; the taxi office on Horton St.

Coming soon Elland & Brighouse!!

Top 10 worst places to live in England 2019