Written by Anonymous.

The small rural town of Flitwick with its small population is plagued. Once a small peaceful place where a parent wouldn’t be scared to send their child to the post office with a small amount of money. In recent years the area has been in decline due to the ever growing chav population which cause many to stay at home as they fear a trip to the local Tesco supermarket!

Many businesses have felt the effects of the ever growing presence of unintelligent life forms, to the point where one is currently being refurbished due to arson. Also many businesses in the Russel shopping centre such as alldays and the nearby pub the bumble bee, will no doubt seen a decrease in profits, due to the large mass of Burberry that deflects all passes by from making an occasional visit to the local convenience. Another problem caused by the local chavs is that the local skating park, is no longer usable to skaters, BMXers and members of the public who use the park for a legitimate purpose, due to the fact that the chavs have turned the skate park into another place to intoxicate themselves further after the closing time of the towns many public houses. This has got to the extent where people will walk past the skate park and look dumbstruck to actually find a skater on the ramps in the place of the usual blob that has passed out on the flat bank due to excessive alcohol consumption.

Many locals now also fear to send their children to play outside at all due to the chavs child like mentality drawing them to all of the places where younger children are likely to attempt to play. This problem in chav dispersal has infected many local wildlife habitats such as Hinksley Wood, which is now a baron wasteland of tall black posts (AKA the remnants of trees), shopping trolleys stolen from the local tesco superstore during some drinking binge, and vast amounts of litter capable of rivalling the waste disposal unit in Stewartby( only a 10 minutes drive away). A similar problem can be seen throughout many other wildlife haves such as Flitwick wood and Flitwick Moor (a nature reserve).

Due to the Neanderthal like behaviour of the chav populous, many chavs from other areas will flock towards each other. This unfortunately for the non-chav amongst the population of Flitwick, as it means that many chavs from the Marsh Farm estate of Luton use the fact that there are no barriers at either Legrave train station (about 500 yards from marsh farm) nor are there any at the station in Flitwick, thus providing free and frequent travel links with there Marsh Farm counterparts.

This has meant that there has been an explosion in the numbers of chavs walking the streets of the once respectable town of Flitwick. I would like to point out that although all chavs are recognisable due the distinctive informality of the chav culture, I find it fascinating that it is always easy to tell the difference between the local chavs and their Marsh farm brethren. It is impossible to pinpoint the qualities that make the difference between marsh farm and Flitwick chavs however there is something which everyone knows. My personal opinion on this perplexing conundrum (if you understood that then you are not a chav), is that a Marsh farm chav, being raised on marsh farm is more “well ‘ard” than a Flitwick chav due to the fact that there are more chavs in a smaller area on Marsh farm, causing more fights and a survival of the fittest idea takes place where as in Flitwick there are only a few minor scuffle between locals, hardly even worthy of police intervention. This means that a Marsh Farm chav is often better built, and more aggressive and also more likely to ask you for your mobile phone and/or money.

The real problems occur when the group of chavs travelling into Flitwick, often in slightly smaller groups aggravate the local Chavs in Flitwick who go around in groups of 15 to 30 asking people for £20 for trauma that was caused by a non-existent event. When the two groups collide it often causes territorial disputes which have resulted in several major fights of note worthy proportions, the most often talked about being at the fair where local chavs and non chavs alike joined forces to draw the marsh farm chavs out of Flitwick by chasing them down the railway tracks. The entire story is subject to each individuals interpretations and point of view however many agree on common factors such as police involvement, curtain members of the community being stabbed with screwdrivers, and many marsh farmers being chased down railway lines. (NOTE : If anyone has any amendments to make to this story please let me know, I am always interested in another point of view.)

A final thought, I have been asked by many to add as a final note : DIE CHAVS DIE!


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