Chinnor- Rural Middle Class Bliss. Sort of.

South East

A beautiful village (but bigger than Watlington which is classified as a town, thus Chinnor qualifies for inclusion on ChavTowns) surrounded by the rolling Chiltern Hills, surely the Domestos bleach that kills all ***** on contact? Alas, no.

My first experience of Chinnor chavdom was when two of these ‘older boys’ (as i recounted to mother-dearest later) attempted to mug me down Chinnor’s #1 mugging alleyway near Chiltern Hills ‘Super’store (the more-or-less beating heart of the Chinnor economy). They asked me if i wanted a *** and when i didn’t come close resorted to the less subtle tactic ‘GET HIM!!!!’ and sprinted after me. Probably as their lungs were filled with more tar than use in the building of the nearby M40, i managed to outrun them. This was when i was 11.

The park demonstates the usual story of chavdom. Chinnor Parish Council set up the park to allow the children of chinnor to play happily for all eternity. Despite probably having children of their own (having reached sexual maturity at 9 and moving onto trying for the first baby at around 13) chinnor ***** saw the assualt course not as a place for mild exercise and a challenging swing across the monkey bars, but as the perfect smoking (etc…) den, as it was hidden from decent society by the slide. This, in a way, made the assault course more challenging as it (until the park was recently re-redone) involved dodging syringes and not getting herpes by touching the used johnies. Also, the goal mouths of the park football pitches regularly had to be cleared of glass prior to kick off (and it wasn’t always all gone. i’m a goalkeeper and found out the hard way). The addition of the ‘Millenium Path’ to the park has merely eased the ***** access to their various areas. The Sport and Social club (right next to the park) must be the prime suspect.

On a Friday night you may well find the local ***** (mainly from Greenwood Ave. i’m pretty sure) perched outside the Sport and Social, they’re probably barred- hence they’ll head for the park. You may see our local pills woman inside off her face. If you sit in one place in chinnor long enough she will pass you with a semi-limp and her walkman on, i’ve never seen her without it. I think she just walks around constantly. But thats speculative.

Chinnor may have remained a utopian rural village, had it not been for the joint efforts of Oxfordshire and (mainly) Buckinghamshire County Council. The local proper **** areas such as Wycombe and Aylesbury, possibly even Banbury and Didcot have rehoused ***** here, probably in the hope that being placed here will reform them. Or because there are fewer houses/cars to break into and people to mug. We had some a few doors down from me. The constant garage music was the least of the problem. When people kept coming from Aylesbury came over (probably about once a month) to settle old scores we realised there were issues. It was the street arguments/scuffles at 2am. And mines a nice area. The resettled ***** radicalise our native soft-core ***** which has added to the problem.

Chinnor is obviously no Wycombe or Aylesbury. Definately not a Hemel Hempstead. As someone said ‘the one thing worse than a town **** is a small town ****’. Surely it follows that a village **** trumps both. The benefits of Chinnor are that there is a rail-link bus and the M40, so it is very easy to leave. I cant think of one friend who doesn’t want to leave, as it is dull and the ***** dont help. The best local night out is Murphys or Jimmy Figgs in Thame. Look up Thame on this site. Its there.

Now i must get back to revising for my degree in Nottingham, where i am 20 times more likely to die of unnatural causes than on average. And i still prefer it to Chinnor and the blue/grey (couldn’t afford to finish spraying it could he?) chavved up car that you can hear from 3 miles away. Honest.

Top 10 worst places to live in England 2020