After reading the entries on the delightful Alton Towers, Pearl of Chavton Orient, I was stunned to note the dearth of posts regarding its sluttier sister… CWoA!! Avid readers will again note, this is not about a town exactly, but lets face it -what have poor Alton or Chessington got ‘going’ for them besides the Tussauds branded acreage of grand grand cuntery?
Now, I had the misfortune to work at this ‘park’ for 2 years so feel fairly well informed about the demographic of the park entrants, as my boss at the time put it so eloquently ‘feel sorry for the nice families here, treat them like royalty, ‘cos the rest of ’em are all c***s’ 🙂 . Its hard to write about chavs and introduce any new material as its all been done to death… the massive earrings, the shitty tracky b’s, the squabbling over spilt slush puppies etc etc, SO instead I thought I’d compile a little list of retribution of the chav as a species (I was in contact with a particularly intense and virulent strain).
1/. Chavs attempt to enter the park via the boundary fence. In an attempt to prevent this, park security have ensured said fence is EXTREMELY high and spiky in order to provide a visual deterrent that would make a panzer division quake in its tracks. Doesn’t stop chavvy mummy passing her 13 kids over the railings to Kev Dad and then sliding her fat arse over afterwards.
However! Chavette forgets her massive gold rings encrusting her hands… her middle finger gets ripped out as she descends, sped along by an arse looking like about 300 lbs of chewed bubble gum. Everybody say ‘aaaaaaahhhhh’ – Chavs then attempt to sue the park for damages, knowing the justice system in this bloody country they probably won grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
2/. Seven (thats right 7) Chavs (wiggers specifically) are slipping through the massive queueline to the Samurai,( one of Chavsingtons top ‘Frill ryyyds innit’) and a little girl points this out to a rides assistant. Girl gets smashed in the face by a 20 year old male, who, undeterred continues to the front of the queue and pushes his way onto the ride. Thank god someone saw it and told me (was operating it) so I promptly locked said fucker into his seat along with all his cronies. Now the good thing about the Samurai seats is that you can persuade the hydraulics to squeeeeeze the occupant as long and as hard as you wish… after learning what these merciless c***s had done to a pre-teen child I had no mercy of my own on the little black ‘close’ button. *sees red*. Their cries of ‘ooooiii maaayyyte, dats my boy, owwwwww my boy your krushin…. I’m gunna fukkin find u afters and brock u up real bad innit!!!!’ fell on deaf ears. heh heh heh. Safe to say they stayed put until the police arrived and carted them off in the meat wagon. Again, they probably got away with it. 😐
I’ll stop now as I’m frothing at the fingertips… but I’ll gladly regurgitate more if anyone likes!
I’m sure its not just me, but the sheer weight of chavs frequenting ANY public attraction has just accelerated massively in the last 3 or 4 years and theres just simply no way of controlling it. Park ‘security’ were no match at all for the knuckle draggers.