A Balearic oasis for our ******** chums.
Foolishly, my good lady & I thought that booking a holiday at the end of September would mean it should be mostly clear of **** families as their demon spawn would have to be back at school. How wrong can you be? Stupidly, we hadn’t researched the area before booking the hotel – won’t make that mistake again. Fortunately, we were only using our hotel in that resort as a base, so we were able to keep contact with the burberry wearing buffoons to a minimum, exploring the island by day until returning to the area after dinner. Plenty of sports leisure wear as you’d expect, along with the regulation chunky jewellery abounded – most of it sported by middle aged men. Handily, we managed to find one bar in the town that wasn’t blasting out what passes for music in those circles or skysports at a deafening volume but also offered 2 for 1 on any drink of your choice with those generous Spanish measures. However, opposite this bar & in full view was the Rock Cola bar which provided all the ********* of entertainment you could wish for. A particular highlight was the karaoke night, hosted by a bloke sporting the sort of perm you’d only now see in an 80’s **** film. Whenever he couldn’t get any volunteers, he’d murder a song by himself, whilst staggering around the “stage”, clearly the worse for wear. Other “highlights” included an all girl trio called Feeva (sic) singing over a backing track, though to be fair, they were a big improvement on any of the other never will be acts. Best of all though, was seeing the scariest looking of the various **** matriarchs handing her 10 year old daughter a bottle of smirnoff ice. Seemingly, bedtime is not a concept that exists in the world of the **** child – babies and kids still up at all hours. Back at the hotel, we tragically managed to miss all the themed entertainment like the “Grease Night” or the “Hawaiian Night”. I’m glad to say that a lot of other areas of Mallorca have not been chavified, so don’t let this put you off visiting, but I’d advise giving this area a miss unless you want to see the worst elements of Britain in action on foreign climes. So, any of you reading this that are or know teachers, and are wondering why little Shane & Shaznay haven’t appeared at school yet this term – they’re all still on holiday in Cales De Mallorca.