Living in Bury St Edmunds
Written by Anonymous Visitor and posted in East Anglia, Suffolk

Bury St Edmunds a humble town of middle class citizens, low crime rate and mixed tenure; on the whole Bury is doing quite well from the outside seeming as it is situated between possibly two of the most scummiest towns in suffolk, stowmarket and Newmarket. As a ‘buryite’ myself living in the suburbs I have seen all manor of creatures walk through the historic street of bury and I thought I would let you into the secrets of this small town.

There are 5 type of people you would expect from this quaint town and these are as followed:

1). The ageing population, aka the old snobs who get pissed off at anything and everything, they are around every coner and every street they lurk around with their wheely bags and aggressively shove you in a que, but no we as teenagers are the rude generation that are ‘moody’. Often seen mooching around iceland on a cold winters day they will collect the basic groseries, aka tea and alcohol. After a long day looking around the market they will head down to either Street level cafe (also known as the dirties cafe in bury) or the Scandinavian coffee for a slice of cake and tea. Once they have had enough they migrate to the bus station where they wait an hour in the waiting area to catch a bus to take them to their 2 bedroom bungalow in the surrounding villages like Woolpit, Thurston or Barrow.

2. The chavs, a wild bunch that enjoy nothing more than hanging around at the bus station with their 12 pack of taylors, a bottle of WKD and their pram with a baby in all at the age of 15. They can also be found at county upper school at 3.45 pm chilling up the condyke tree smoking and often fighting to one another. This complex bunch take a 20 minuet walk to town all the way from the illusive Howard estate because they don’t have the money to catch a bus. The howard esstate as well as the prior estate is possible the two darkest places of bury, full of STI, burglaries and council houses. If you ever make it to these places and dont get asked if you want a ten bit within 5 minuets, your winning in life.

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3. The snobs; often seen around the likes of joules, M&S and Waitrose these creatures must not be mistaken as nice, they think they own the town. Now of course lets not forget bury is a middle class town but when the yummy mummy’s come into the equation we have a problem. The classic upper class mum that spends all her husbands money in places like Quest and The pastley pot because something was too ‘delightful’ to resist is a common one in bury. After spending all that Money they then return home in their land rover to a 6 Bedroom house in places like Fornham all saints.

4. Daddies Girl, again one of the most common buryite you will find. They all own a Fiat 500 before then can drive and at least 3 pandroa rings per hand, blowing all of dads money in topshop is hard work so they like nothing better than going on a ‘costa date’ in the afternoon to talk about all the bitches at school. Then if its a saturday its back to a friends house to spend 5 hours getting ready and putting on the new dress from topshop to end up at spoons where they will consume 2 vodka and cokes before they are off their nut; then heading to bury’s best night club ‘flex’ where the carpet really does stick to your feet. If they arent too hungover in the morning it to the salon we go!! Fresh claws that will result in 3 snapchats and two instagram posts of these so called ‘nails’. Now, you must be thinking these girls must be old, wow. But no, the daddy’s girl starts at a young age, normally attending st james then kegs but they have to with go through many triles to make it to the spoons and ‘flex’ lifestyle. Some of these are; sending nudes, Getting drunk on ten arcer, loosing your virginity on ten acor, putting up saucy photos on instagram covering half your face with your hand and most importantly hanging out in McDonalds every night after school for at least 3 years.

5. Our final one and a rather new one !! Exciting as it seems its more a travesty, BSE grime scene. These crazy bunch pretend they are from the streets of east London and rap until there heart is content, they don’t stop there often seen on the rather more luxurious estate (The Mortant hall) they will be seen wearing their man bags and bucket hats, doing lines of ket and drinking a can of carlings along with all the grayboys in their cars, who are often drug dealers, yes, they actually do this. And if your extremely lucky they may even do a rap battle but I would expect to much they are s**t ‘grime’ artists, because at the end of the day skepta has nothing on them.

So yes, a most than welcoming town with a lot of potential.

  • Mr M Monkie

    You have to have 5 dances to get a £10 bag of weed? How posh is Bury St Edmunds? If you don’t pay does the local gangster send a guy called Tarquin round to recite some of his poetry?

  • Cat Blacker

    The grammar and spelling in this is hurting my eyes…! The poor child who has written this clearly has no idea about life at all. I’m guessing they are probably in the “15 year old with pram and baby” category themselves, whether they are the ones pushing the pram, or have simply impregnanted the 15 year old pushing the pram due to lack of education and common sense…

  • Michele Eve

    Well done. A business that doesn’t know how to write properly or use a reliable adult to proof-read. You have a minimum of 53 grammatical/spelling errors. You either have no idea or are too lazy to use the appropriate upper-case for names. You’re not very good with your use of apostrophes. You are very casual with your sentence construction which ruins your impact. All in all, I sincerely hope you are much better at whatever your actual day-job is than you are at writing articles. If not, well . . Yours (with no educational qualifications) from the heart of “scummy” Newmarket.

  • Dan Nolan

    Can’t spell properly and bad grammar, a Suffolk education isn’t that bad is it? I have a new type… 6. The jumped up illiterate with too much time on their hands 😉

  • suffolk666

    I felt horrified to read this awfully constructed article (if you can call it that) on my local town. Good riddens to anyone who actually takes these articles into consideration before moving into an area. You have taken things out of proportion. For starters, you had reflected the Howard estate in a bad light by describing it as some pregnancy and burglary hotspot. Years ago this may of been the case, but in my opinion these areas have improved, in fact the most recent of burglaries have actually occured outside of the town in rural villages. There are areas of Bury that aren’t as upmarket, but investment is being put in.There is no need to mock the ageing population, yes a fair percentage of this area are old nor is there anything wrong with them using the buses. Buses are key to transport around Bury and the surrounding villages as taxis and trains cost far too much! Every town in the UK has a degree of ageing population, why make us stand out as different?. There is no need to call everyone snobby.

    What makes me laugh is the fact your English has a lot to be desired. What on earth is a Buryite? It doesn’t even make sense. On the whole, this article is an awful representation of Bury St Edmunds and the wider community. You haven’t got your facts right and being honest, most of this information, even if it has a degree of truth, is IRRELEVANT. If you are going to write information on Bury, make it USEFUL.

    You claim Stowmarket and Newmarket are two of the most “scummiest” towns of Suffolk. Let me remind you that Newmarket is one of the most poshest areas of Suffolk, being the home of Britians most popular racecourse and Ipswich looks a lot worse in places than Stowmarket.

    I may very well write an alternative article.

    Good day.

  • Ray Larkin

    A fairly pathetic attempt at being controversial by someone whose education did not run to the levels of spelling or grammar that that County, Kegs or St Benedict’s teachers would have aspired to. Please try to get MORETON HALL correct in one of these efforts in the future.