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Bartley (New Forest)

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This little sh**hole in the middle of the New Forest is stuck in the middle of no where between the chav capital of Totton, and the posh man’s village Lyndhurst. The village is home to many chavs of the local Hounsdown School, many of which you can see walking around the village with their hoods up smoking a joint. Hanging round the corner shop at the end of New Inn Road is their favourite place, sitting on their bikes and giving a death stare as you walk by is their favourite passtime, as well in the woods behind Chinham Road, where they discuss their drug habits and do some dealing. A chav caravan estate is located just off Bourne Lane and full of council estate inbred teenagers who got pregnant at 16 years old when they banged in the local woods – classy.

The local post office and ‘Fourways Store’ is the centre of the village community, being a meeting place for the Hounsdown chavs, it’s not a site to be missed if near by. The shop’s owner is a pretty tough guy, after battling a local chav and pulling a knife out the inbred’s hand, he held the man in a headlock on the counter till the local PoPo arrived.

If you love christmas then Bartley is the place to go. Many locals get pissed off when numerous houses along Chinham Road put up their Christmas Lights over a month early, lighting up the streets so no one can get to sleep at night. Each year the envy between houses increases and more and more lights appear each year. The best houses are said to be the one next to the local chav meeting point of the post office, and the other end of Chinham Road where the lights aren’t even decorated in an orderly pattern, it seems they are just thrown wherever as the people of Bartley do not give any f**ks.

If you’re lucky you may see the local gypsies waiting at the bus stop opposite Shepherds Road, waiting for their bus to the local chav town Totton for their weekly visit to the 99p store.

One fine Sunday in Merseyside

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I live in Liverpool in a lovely historic houseo towards the southern sub urban and rarely venture out to merseyside due to the filthy chav society it you can call it that.

As I recently moved to Liverpool , the are is somewhat unfamiliar to me so I decided to take a drive one lovely sunday afternoon .

I was driving near princes park and lost my way ,the turning I took must have been wrong because I ended up in Merseyside which seemed to be a very unsavoury place even at the best of times but today many hooded youths lined the streets clad in flashy Nike shoes and apparel of Fred perry.

Down a shady street , each side of me houses were evident with squalor and decay ,men in grubby tank tops squatted in filth and every so often a house looked nice with a flashy car so I was able to determine where drug lords lived determined with the squalor of the rest of the council estate .

The further I drove in to hell the more I wanted to be far far away from Merseyside .Eventually I reached a place where a group of eight or nine youths loitered next to a red golf and a blue golf both of which were engineered with brightly coloured wheel rims and spoilers .

I decided to ask directions and rolled my car window to converse with these young men , as I drew near the youths stopped kicking their larger cans and all turned to stare at me threateningly.”Excuse me lads I am lost and wondered if you could give me directions to the city centre , to which one said in a dialect I was unfamiliar with although I picked up the jist ” Mate I will put a bottle in Your throat, me and the Mersey Crew will batter you ” The youth kicked my car and tried to force the door open, which I thank god was locked and drove , I put a few miles between me and the “Mersey crew” when I realised I was driving in more familiar teritory.

The moral of the story never go to Merseyside i beg unless you a) are six foot nine and are knotted with muscle or b) if you want to get “battered”

Farnworth, Bolton.

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Farnworth, a subdistrict of Bolton, is a town which has never truly left its age-old village mentality in the past. The beginning of the problem stems from being confused about its place in the world. Being situated in between Bolton and Little Hulton, Farnworth is never really sure whether it is Boltonian or Salfordian.

The past 15 years has seen the steepest decline of an area I have ever know. Old residents are clambering to get away as a seemingly unstoppable wave of chavness approaches from numerous directions, and is absolutely relentless in its mission. Those responsible are the parents of the ‘Tony Blair Generation’ who do not know the meaning of work and who think that the welfare system is a given right, not a privilege. The result is a bunch of tracksuit wearing, pot smoking, spotty faced reprobates, who, much like cockroaches, have swarmed all over Farnworth’s various estates as if they were a pile of rotting rubbish in an abandoned house.

I fear for the future of Farnworth. The decline shows no sign of letting up and my prediction is that within the next 10 years, Farnworth will be a desolate ghost town with no passing traffic, no shops, just half mutated, inbred six-fingered chavs pushing prams around with the next generation of super-mutant chav.

Sad Really.

Evesham

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This place is literally chav Central. It’s the worst of the worst no doubt about it.
As you enter what seems to be a delightful town with a church on your left and lidl on your right, everything then seems to go tits up. You soon approach a miserable narrow street jam packed with tiny dirty flats, smelly laundrettes, an overrated cinema called ‘The Regal’ which was a novelty at first but is now home to those hipster ‘blah blah vintage blah blah blogs blah blah organic’ types, what seems to be 100′s of cheap hair dressers or nail/beauty bars run by Chinese, 2 vile sex shops, a few 2 star hygiene rated take aways and oh not forgetting the polish shops! Yes, Evesham unfortunately is a victim of the pols with more then half of the population probably being polish! But ‘Port Street’ is not only a common habitat for chavs but a new species! Polish chavs! But seriously they are much worst, they are much worse with there average stoned time being 11am at the latest. And teenagers aren’t really anywhere to been seen as mostly the chavs are 30-55 year old men with 18-35 year old girlfriends usually carrying there latest edition of a baby which they have blinged out with tatty diamontes and cheap polystyrene. As you reach the end of the street you can turn left or right although turning left won’t get you very far as the main bridges has closed and they are building another which is causeing chaos for everyone so turing right Is constantly chokka block as it’s the main way to reach the high street. Down the high street themist common shops are charity shops. These range from sue Ryder (which now just buys stuff in and sells is rather then collecting donations, allegedly), blue cross, Red Cross, wildlife foundation and oxfam, such fun. Although a shop Whichrather brightens the town is called ‘Bonk’ which is a brilliant skate/clothes shop (As in nice clothes eg.Dc, wired fish, rip curl, animal and old guys rule) and they raise money for the skate part to be refurbished. They also sponsor a few skaters. Kim who owns it is a delight and has an amazing spirit about her. She is kind to all customers and treats the kids wonderfully by giving them advice on which scooters are best ect. There is also the odd bakery like Gregg’s and not forgetting the 2 subways of which one is home to a lovely family of rats! Other shops generally include chinease and Indian take aways, a few pizza places, news agents, weather spoons home to older chavs who get hammered and arrive as soon as it opens, a fee crappy bars, all the banks you could ever name, millions of hairdressers(don’t bother with them, iconic is the best) a couple of gambelling shops and the oh so wonderful pound shops! I swear there are more pound shops the there are people. There is pound land, pound stretcher, home bargins and many more in branded crappy ones which are family run. A new delight tithe tow which opened on Saturday is sports direct. Everyone was excited due to the recent success if the brilliant one in stratford but not it’s awful. I don’t why they don’t just call it Londsdale as that is all it basically sells. Great, so not there are going to be thousands of more chavs come to evesham to buy cheap Londsdale joggers and hoodies.i can’t even be bothered to say anymore as chavs physically make me sick so just take my advice and don’t have anything I do with the discusting failure of a town. To put you off more the council here as awful and spent £200,000 on a designer to design the new bridge and the councils main priority was to build it the same as the old one. They could of payed me £100 and I could of designed them a bridge the same as the old one!

Broadfield V Croydon or Sutton

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I haven’t lived here long but from what I hear it is ‘rough’I have so far yet to witness this but that’s due to the fact I used to live in both Croydon and Sutton so my idea of rough is a bit different, for example, I hardly ever hear sirens in Broadfield be it police, fire or ambulance (do people not get ill round here?) where I used to live you couldn’t blink more than twice without hearing a siren that would most likely be the police. Next, people: far more polite and I really mean that, I had to re-programme myself to say thank you to the bus driver because everyone else does even the school kids, now, you’d never get that on any London bus. I’ve noticed school kids wear their uniforms correctly with the tie knot in the right place and not some huge knot that takes up all the space in the chest area, amazed me! The kids that hang around the shops really are not menacing at all, yes ok, I did see one group of around 6 or 7 kids with a dog, a spaniel not the Croydon/Sutton must have accessory Staffie cross breed and I almost laughed especially as the only annoying thing they were doing was listening to Gangnam Style. In contrast to this, your average ‘gangsta’ in Croydon or Sutton would hang around the shops with the said Staffie cross breed but only to rob you on your way in or out or to kick the windows in, whichever they feel like doing at the time. Round here I know my neighbours which is quite nice, where I used to live I couldn’t even even tell you what the neighbours looked like let alone speak to them! That said, I could hear them, usually along the lines of: **slap** “you made me do that you bitch”. I got off the train at East Croydon one night around 8pm and the one of the resident beggars saw me with a cigarette and asked for one, I said it was my last one and he had the cheek to tell me to give it to him and go and buy some more!! Sorry but some of these so called homeless sorts (some are and some aren’t) earn more than me by begging and I told him to go away but not as politely. In Broadfield people ask you if you have a lighter so they can light their own bought and paid for cigarette. As for all this chav/pikey business it doesn’t matter how affluent or deprived the area you live in is, they’re everywhere and there’s just no getting away from it, we just have to put up with it. I know where I’d rather be and its not in a CR or SM postcode area! And just out of curiosity, has anybody mentioned Mitcham on here because let’s face it, you can’t want to live there out of choice surely?! I could mention more but you’d get bored of reading!