The Jeremy Kyle Show – **** TV

Yes, I know it’s not a town but ******* Hell it’s **** TV. I normally begin work in the afternoon and am currently working away, staying in a hotel. This is the only thing on TV at that time that resembles “entertainment” – entertainment in a “lets all go and laugh at the Elephant Man” though. It beats “This Morning” hands down – with Fatty Fern Britton and Philip Grecian 2000 Schofield all comfortable in their middle class show.

Jeremy Kyle was a Radio presenter on some random Midlands station and apparently married some woman as a publicity stunt for the station, so he is the last person to give ***** grief on his show about their alley cat morals and lazy leeching lifestyles. However, he still loves doing it by shouting things like “Don’t you DARE talk to me like that on my show/don’t you DARE lie to me on MY ******* show *******!”, no ego involved at all, honest.

It makes me proud to be British watching this show as I know my hard earned taxes are going to use keeping ASBO ridden teenage shitheads on the dole and paying for Chantelle or Nicky/Tracy/*insert **** name in their council house while their daddy is out on the estate shagging 12 year old girls behind the chippy,smoking pot at his mates house or beating up a pensioner.

How grim is your Postcode?

One show made me cringe as it involved my fellow scousers, one fat ugly gargoyle woman who made Jabba the Hutt with a hangover look attractive somehow managed to get 2 men fighting over her. She got up the duff, how either of them managed to get a hard on to shag her is a mystery, mind you the 2 men weren’t the brightest and won’t challenge Brad Pitt in the looks stakes. She was hedging her bets to see which moron would be able to go out and work, pay for her to sit off on her fat lazy planetoid **** smoking ciggies all day. The guy who had gone out and worked his fingers to the bone was not the father and actually looked surprised when Jeremy did a Chris Tarrant style build up: “Smigga, you said you were the father………………………………… are in fact a *** letting this fat **** walk all over you” – “I have the DNA results, the other fat ugly moron on the other side of the stage is the real father and meal ticket to Jabba the Hutt”.

A lot of the other guests seem to have stupid country bumpkin accents, wear loads of gold chains and sovereign rings and generally fight with the other **** who walks onstage who has shagged his bird or keeps stalking his ******* wife. I sometimes think that most of the people who go on these shows who are fat simply want to prove to the whole world that fat people can actually have ***, it’s disgusting.

It’s also funny when the lazy boy racer type who has shagged half the ***** on the estate wants to “get involved” with his kid as it’s his “right as a father”, pity he never thought of that when he could have bought condoms or has spent the last years or so smoking pot in his mates house playing on the playstation. He probably just wants to see his offspring before he dies of AIDS, courtesy of his one night stand with the ******* who him and twenty of his mates have banged.

There was also a 14 year old lad on it with ADHD – was this “disease” just invented for ***** to justify themselves acting like twats? – this lad had smashed up half his house, butted his mother, set his brother on fire and been seen in school less often than the Loch Ness monster has been sighted in the last 25 years. I can’t believe that this is a disease, its just an excuse, it normally only affects ***** who like vandalising things, beating the **** out of people and who have an aversion to turning up to school.

Give Jeremy his due though, he never wastes an opportunity to rip into the ********, when you think about it, its quite sick really, get a bunch of useless ***** whose lives are worth nothing, parade them on national TV and rip them to shreds, they also feel that in the meantime they are getting their 15 minutes of fame and will open up their local Netto after being on the show – if **** had any value, these people would have been born with no arses.

Jeremy loves playing the moral high ground as none of them are articulate enough to have a go back as they would only launch into a barrage of expletives but aren’t allowed as its daytime telly. He offers them “help” at the end of the show but knows that as most ***** hate a challenge they won’t bother going to see a counsellor or anything like that. He really does believe he is doing society a service by “helping” these ******** but all he is interested in is ratings, mass brawls and slanging matches.

If you want to watch stupid ***** argue the toss over who is the father of Chantelles’ 6th kid, why her last kid was black when her fella at the time was a pasty faced whiteboy, why Ryan has been dodging the CSA for the last 5 years or just watch ***** perform like ***** then this is the show for you. You can also go to Knowsley Safari Park and watch the baboons and chimps behave better when they jump on your car.

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