Shaw & Royton near Oldham, two insignificant pond life hellholes

Adjacent to the classy town of OLDHAM (No comment,I’m taking the 5th amendment on that one), two insignificant pond life hellholes with very little to recommend them, apart from the roads out! Think total hatred. Man U vs Man C, Villa vs Birmingham, Sheff U vs Sheff W, Portsmouth vs Southampton, think again. Shaw vs Royton is serious Premier League.

The pettiness of the local populace goes back to Victorian times when the worthies of Royton, designed the Town Hall clock tower without a clock face on the side facing Shaw, so the Shaw Gawbies (Local term of abuse, linked with the saying regarding Warburton’s bread “Warbies,baked in Shaw by Gawbies”) couldn’t benefit.

Shopping in both towns is an elevating experience. In Shaw the pond life descend on Aldi, whereas in Royton, the 10 pack frozen pizzas from Iceland draw the crowds. Needless to say, both towns boast a branch of “Bargain Booze”, selling alcopops and cheap strong cider to the local hoodie *****, who’ve ASBOs banning them from all the pubs.

Nightlife in both Royton and Shaw is singularly upmarket. Class act in Royton is the “Railway”,featuring **** entertainment, the Railway is full of loud ********* with hooped earrings,Over-short skirts and thongs,displaying their fat (Mac Donalds fuelled) arses.
The Royton **** also go to “The Summit”, near where the “Millionaire” footballers of Oldham Athletic live, so the feel they are hob nobbing with “class”. On the other hand Shaw boasts the “Blue Bell” where the ***** clutter up the bar area, whilst the pensioners cringe quietly in the corners.

One thing Shaw and Royton have in common is their mutual hatred. No male from one town dare set foot in the other for fear of having the s**t kicked out of them for stealing “their girls”. Shaw has the edge, purely because it has a railway station to take you to the comparative sanity of Manchester in 15 minutes. Royton gives you the option of a bus to Rochdale… another tale altogether!

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