Padiham (Near Burnley)..SPEAK SLOWLY!!!
Welcome to Padiham,where one,strangely literate individual,capable of some form of wit changed the “Welcome to Padiham please drive slowly” sign to “Please speak slowly”
This about sums up the intellectual capacity of this East Lancashire backwater.
Even KFC is Krunchy Fried Chicken which tastes worse than the name it has ripped off,but still the local ****,armed with a can of White Lightning and a Kosovan B&H at £2.50 a pack,queue up to wreck their immune system with s**t food.
Then you can move on to any of Padiham’s finest hostelries where the local **** drink cheap “Get as p****d as you like for a fiver alcopops”,whilst they eyeball each other threateningly over their ******** ******* girlfriend’s three-in-a-buggy prams,which act as mobile ashtrays and filing cabinets for their benefit claim forms.
Shopping in Padiham is a class experience,as it has a wonderful range of charity shops,”Kwik Save”,staffed by the most glamourous (Slight degree of sarcasm) *********,plus the inevitable “Day & Nite” where the aforementioned **** stock up on White Lightning and Pot Noodles (alternative Padiham fodder to KFC).There are however no Rockport or fake Burberry stockists.
Shopping in Padiham is a busy experience especially during the week as hardly anyone works,the concept of work is a four letter word,not as nice as the four letter word “Giro”.
Another famous local ammenity are the Church Street public toilets,renowned for their nocturnal “cottaging” activities.
For the great outdoors,visit the Memorial Park,where the local heroes deface the war memorial with illiterate graffitti,because they can’t spell their own names,strew the kids area with WKD bottles & syringes & generally get on everyone’s t**ts.
Failing that take in the Cricket Club where the ******* seem to take pleasure in creating the European strong cider can mountain,whilst smashing up every amenity provided for decent people.
One of the great highlights of the Padiham **** ****’s social calendar is “Walking Day”,Whit Sunday to the rest of us,when the church going brigade walk from church to church behind brass bands.This gives the local **** the opportunity to get totally p****d,as the police turn a blind eye to the pubs opening at 10 a.m. to get the pondlife off the streets.
It is perfectly acceptable for the ********* to take their countless baby ***** into the pubs to witness their parents getting paralytic on WKDs,or whatever alcopop is on “buy one get one free”
P.S.I live in Padiham,and I work,as do a lot of other decent people.It’s just that we are p*****d off with the increasing numbers of **** that drift in from serious **** towns such as Burnley,Blackburn & Accrington (**** capital of Britain)
Padiham is just off Junction of the M65.Just avoid