Written by Anonymous Visitor and posted in East Anglia

ahhh Northill a small village in the county of Bedfordshhire. compact into a simple area is a small lower school, a church, a pub and oh yes, how could I forget, a small pond occupied by a small gathering of ducks. yes the school is perfect for the breeding of young children, away from most town life the school enables the children to got a non-chav education. unfortunately the village isn’t big enough to enable the children to also attend a middle and upper school in a non-chav area as it is too small. the first few years of a childs life are important, the school enables children to be free from most nike and it is hoped that even when the children are forced to such exposure in later years they have the strength within them to refuse to wear such merchandise. unfortunately during their time at middle and upper school the once respectable citizens quite quickly form into a chav or chavette only to get a girl/ become pregnant before the age of 14 which is when the majority of chavettes go through menopause, after pregnancy the chavs and chavettes move into their council houses in the ever so nicely chewing gum paved floors of Biggleswade town, luckily a few of the children do stay quite normal. Now on to the church, a regular gathering for the more fragile and elderly members of the Northill community, yes you would think they would be more than normal but you’d be wrong, I have spotted many of these elderly members cross the road at the exact time a car is coming down the road, yes that’s right a form of chav behaviour and the ever so popular chav game of ‘chicken’, not only do they refuse to wait for the car to pass they also take their time and do what they want while crossing the road, it makes you think were these once the members of the 1920’s Biggleswade massive? or maybe they belonged to the sandy crew? however these elderly members often meet at the tea rooms in the village hall and no doubt plan on who to beat up with their walking sticks next. The church is quite nicely situated next to the pub so after a morning of prayer the oldies can reminice on good old times when they used to roam the streets and do pointless vandalism and terrorise many respectable people, all at the same time as getting wrecked. finally I should mention the pond, yes the pond has a lot of ducks and a willow tree, I’m sure if the chavs were ever to visit this isolated village the willow tree would be pulled down and the ducks would have been feathered and tarred. the neighbouring village Ickwell provides a cricket club which is a good old day out, again for the retired chavs, at night the youth of the villages and upper caldecote gather to play some darts possibly, or a bit of snooker but shush if you tell the chavs about the cheap alcohol it offers the village will be attacked.

I don’t know what this extended text is for, rate my report please and possibly you should visit just don’t bring those chavs and chavettes.