JJB-The epi-centre of the **** universe

The story goes something like this. Dave Whelan, a reliable footballer of the 1950s and 1960s, breaks his leg whilst playing for Blackburn Rovers against my team, Wolverhampton Wanderers, in the 1960 FA Cup final. Now,as medical care was not as good in the 60s as it is now, Whelan was forced to leave the game without again reaching such heights, allowing him to focus on an alternative career:The foundation of the JJB Sports chain!

Thanks for that. Now it is impossible to walk up the average High Street without being harrased by those cheap plastic signs. However for ***** this is not a problem, as the shop has become the centre of their world! Firstly they can browse in amazement for hours at the shear number of cheap replica football shirts, tracksuit bottoms, hoodies and of course the seminal part of any **** wardrobe, the blindlingly white Reebok/Adidas/Nike trainers! Of course it would be unwise for any sane person to look in this shop for any sports equipment, as apart from the small corner at the back of the shop, the entire store is given over to clothing the Waynes and Dazzas of the kingdom! (Although this isn’t a problem as the average **** takes part in no physical activity.)

However JJB also provides a major **** social service: Employment! (For those ambitious ***** who want to make the most of their lives and not just claim dole every other Tuesday) The standards required to employ staff are high, only if you have 1 GCSE above grade E can you work there (C or better and you can become a supervisor!) Honestly, pond life has more inteligence than the average JJB employee. I made the mistake of going in once looking for a new set of batting gloves (I play cricket.) After asking 3 employees who clearly hadn’t a clue, I decided to save time and walk 10 mins through town to a small,independent shop where the manager has more that 1 brain cell! Another interesting staff story was when I was walking out of Wolverhampton railway station at 5.30 having finished work in Telford, when a small,malnourished **** was threatening to “knock out” a 6 foot tall guard who refused to let anybody onto the train without pre-buying a ticket (Designed to stop fare-dodging *****.)Of course the **** was kitted out in his standard JJB staff issue polo shirt, which just confirmed my hatred of the chain!

In conclusion, if you are interested in sport, dont go to JJB as it has very little sports equipment. However if you are an un-intelligent, brain-dead *******, apply for a job, I am sure you will be in good company…


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