Ferryhill: the town’s female population are permanently pregnant

Living in Ferryhill, County Durham
Living in Ferryhill, County Durham

Ferryhill: the town’s female population are permanently pregnant

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Ferryhill is a small, former pit village in South West Durham with a population of around ten thousand. A typical terraced house can be purchased for about the same price as the weekly shop in any town in the Home Counties.

Unfortunately they’re still overpriced due to the high concentration of pond life who reside in these homes. Favourite activities in the town include having sex with your own family, drinking oneself into oblivion every night, taking drugs and wanton vandalism.

The majority of the town’s female population are permanently pregnant or at least look like they are and spend the majority of their time dreaming of their next shitty tattoo, taking selfies for Instagram and slagging off the various Fathers of their ludicrously named offspring.

Most of the children in the town look like the result of some sort of laboratory experiment that’s gone awry and they kind of communicate using a series of weird grunting sounds. There are shops in the town, sixteen tattoo shops, forty seven kebab shops, 19 charity shops and 12 cafes. No-one in Ferryhill under the age of 65 has any idea how to cook and no-one under the age of 35 has ever seen a fruit or knows how to count or spell.

If it all sounds a bit dreadful, it is, but you could always come and visit and see for yourself but please come armed, as the natives also love fighting.


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