Ferryhill: What an absolute heap

Living in Ferryhill, County Durham

Ferryhill grew during the coal mining years, around the turn of the 20th century. Situated south west of Durham, it is surrounded by other sh*tholes, such as Chilton, Spennymoor, Bishop Auckland, and Kirk Merrington. The housing reflects most of the people that live there; with most of the houses in this little patch of **** being terraced and in poor condition, as they are inhabited by drug using, drunken, ******** dole dossers, in particular Ferryhill Station, Duncombe, and Dean Bank. As a sort of certificate to prove how **** Ferryhill (or “Fez”) is, one of the cheapest houses in the UK is up for sale here, at a pricey £501.

There are many attractions in Ferryhill, such as watching intoxicated ***** fighting outside of the pubs in the village, late on a night, or being heckled by 13 year old ***** who will amount to nothing and fail their GCSEs, and probably go to New College. The pinnacle of being a teenager in Ferryhill these days (also known as being a **** or a ******) is buying fake designer clothes and using your parent’s child benefits money to fund other things, such as buying hideous Nike trainers (Air Max 95’s, 97’s, or TN’s), as well as funding “the sesh”, which is a weekly pissup located in various spots around Ferryhill, such as “the muddy”, “tellytubby”, “pit bank”, or my personal favourite “smackhead corner”. They tend to take recreational drugs such as MDMA, Cocaine, and sharing round a joint to go with their cactus jacks and lambrini.

There is also the annual gala, in which the local ******* bring their overpriced, underwhelming rides and take up more of other people’s space for no cost.

How grim is your Postcode?

The people in Ferryhill are such d*ckheads that the council have to remove a swing every few months because it either gets broken or stolen. I fear for the future of this dump, as I happen to live there, and all I tend to see these days are fat spoilt little f*ckers, ASBO class parents as well as little drunken scroats enjoying their last few years before they are unemployed.

Don’t go there. Seriously. Don’t. What a f*cking sh*theap.