Here in Chester Le Street, we take pride in our town.
Chester Le Street Housing Estates:
Fellside Meadows, home to the more middle class residents. Where the children springing from these people are up their own arses quite frankly. The either go to public school for the laughs and for the showing off, St. Leonards, the local catholic school or Private school to show off even more. BMWs are common here.
Poppyfields, the houses vary here. We have the middle class, but also lower class, whereas in Waldridge Park, we only have the Middle Class. Home to various snobs, most of them own ponies, and parents own BMWs.
The Avenues, notorious for c***s. We have First, Second, Third, Fourth, Fifth, Sixth, Seventh, Eighth, Nineth, Tenth, Eleventh and Twelveth. Here, you’re most likely to come across c***s, caked in s**t make-up, carrying poundland bags and white lightening, getting ‘mortal’. Most of these people own Blackberries when they can’t afford their own house.
Waldridge Park is mostly people too poor for Poppyfields but too good for the Avenues. It varies between the working class and the upper working class. You won’t see much s**t make-up or white lightening.
Chester Le Street Town Centre
Our specialties here are pasties. Greggs. You’ll see dirty old men, c***s and even babies in prams scoffing Pasties. Commonly referred to as ‘Pastie Babies’. The c***s all touch the rich kids with their sweaty, smoky hands trying to take money. You can’t walk down the street without someone screaming ‘Hewla’ at you. St. Cuthberts walk is utter w**k, because only about three shops are open, Boots, the fake Sports Direct selling off cheap s**t and Morrisons. Shake’n was the only thing you ever went in for because of the constant lingering smell of pasties. At dinnertime, you get harassed by the Park View students buying utter s**t for their ‘lunch’.
You know you live in Chester when:
- You’ve nicked something. We’ve all done it.
- You’ve had something nicked off you.
- You’ve seen a f*cking baby shoving a f*cking pasty down its gob.
- Go North East pisses you off.
- You have been harassed by Ginger Joe*
- You’ve seen the c***s ‘sessioning’ round the back of Clems
- You’ve eaten the s**t from Cintrones, Churches and any other Takeaway in the area.
- You heard the allaged rumours about Ken at the Chinese Takeaway.
- You’ve been allegedly harassed and creeped out by the Cafe Neena’s guy.
- You go to Park View or Hermitage and they’re both utter w**k.
- You’ve been in Inshops and seen the fairy s**t piercing shop, the knock off bag shop, the shitty phone housing shop and the dirty f*cking Sofas.
- You’ve bought weed.
- Nobody ever realises there is an actual Book store or a Library in Chester.
*Ginger Joe, formally Mad Ginge has been around for forever. He rides his bike everywhere, now with only one leg and in a wheelchair, hurling abuse at everyone. An infamous kid from Park View in the Eighties, Andrew used to egg him on and has been chased by him on a number of occasions. His favourite places are Fencehouses, Lumley and Chester Front Street.