My first time to the UK was last year. My girlfriend and I travelled from Australia and stayed in Farnborough with extended family. A ‘nice place’ as described by my dad, who was there about 20 years ago… It wasn’t a nice place, a cesspool of human filth is better description.
We stayed there for 2 weeks and we went into London daily on the train. The 10 min walk to the station was harrowing to say the least. Groups of teenagers in fake gold even cheaper sportswear (somehow I don’t think they were regulars on the sports field) hurled abuse at us, tried to hit on my girl and at one point, tried to nick my wallet.
It didn’t help that I had a broad Australian accent ‘ye f*ck kangaroos or what mate?’. Now I’m a big guy and can hold my own in a brawl, but when there’s 2 of us and ten of them, I know to keep my mouth shut. However by the end of the 2 weeks, my patience had run out. Walking past the local shopping centre these pigs called home, we were greeted by the regular **** they dealt. We ignored them as usual and kept walking. There were only 3 of them today and when one of the cheeky f*cks broke away from the pack and followed me asking to ‘av a geez at ye fone ye bellend’ I turned around and gave him a solid crack in the jaw. He dropped like a sack of **** and it didn’t look like his mates were in a hurry to help him out, so i proceeded to take out 2 weeks of aggression and frustration out on this silly ****.
Walking off, his mates warned me they were gonna call their mates, who were calling their mates etc etc… basically saying i was f*cked on the walk home. We caught a cab home from the station that night. At this point I didn’t even know what a **** was let alone how they were taking over England. It was only when we arrived home that night and I had to explain why I had bruised knuckles that that the ‘****’ was explained to me. I feel sorry for you England. Apparently Farnborough doesn’t even have many *****!!! I’d hate to see a heavily populated **** hive.
I still had a great time in the UK regardless of my **** experiences and will return soon… with more people… perhaps the rest of my rugby team? Any advice from anyone that knows of **** free areas would be greatly appreciated.
Farnham – Surrey’s snootiest town
Woking: good train links to London apart from that it’s a sh*thole
Guildford: What has become of you?
Owlsmoor, Sandhurst: enter at your peril!
Farnborough: where dreams come to die
The Ontological Degradation of the Fareham Borough
Thornhill, Southampton – majority of the female population have more kids than teeth
Gosport, Hampshire, a seaside sh*thole
Why Portsmouth Sucks: A List