Owlsmoor, Sandhurst: enter at your peril!

I can’t believe no-one has added Owlsmoor to the list of **** towns before. Having lived in Sandhurst my whole life, I believe it’s got to be one of the ********* places I’ve ever seen.

The row of shops, which are often covered in graffiti, constantly have a group of ***** outside them, covered in Kappa tracksuits with the trousers tucked into their socks who never fail to ask you to “buy us some **** mate” (this is because they are too young to be able to buy them). When you say no, you are immediately threatened with abuse. Coincidentally, the Council’s ID card is [allegedly] no longer accepted as proof of age at Owlsmoor Balfour’s or The Coop, as ***** have been known to alter them to make them seem older than they actually are.

If you spend more than five minutes in Owlsmoor, you are almost guaranteed to see a “souped-up” Golf/Corsa/Clio etc with blaring sh*tty EDM turned up so loud that it makes you wonder how the driver can concentrate. You then start to think how they’re even driving it since they look to young to even pass their test.

Whilst you’re here don’t forget to check out Snaprails park. Turn up early enough and you’ll see them in their school uniforms (although I don’t ever remember trainers being allowed) smoking cigarettes with their ‘bruvs’, right opposite the secondary school. Alternatively, walk a bit further through the park to the underpass to see the slightly older ones smoking dope (where do they find the money to buy it?) But watch out, many of them lift their motorbikes over the gate and ride them through the park at about 50 mph.

Although I admit there are some nice parts of Owlsmoor, the majority of it is a bit of a dump to say the least. But don’t worry if you get bored; there’s a bus direct to Bracknell every 30 minutes.

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