Where to start?
Well I’ll start with Croydon town centre. about 5/10 minutes from east Croydon station you will get to a park called “park hill park” this park includes a football pen and basketball pens and tennis courts where the sporting chav population have their “crew fights” or look for elderly ladies walking their dogs to either mug or intimidate them. There is also a playground where teenaged mothers push their children on the swings with a fag in their mouths and are all dressed in either baby blue or pink tracksuits usualy wearing either nike dunks or reebok classics, they also dress their poor children in a similar way.
I have been to the park on about 5 or 6 occasions and heres whats happened to me
1)I have been approached by 3 lanky chavs with stafs and asked if i had any spare money, i replied with no sorry i dont, i was then called a lyin’ dickhead, i was waiting to cross the road but they followed me and told me to f**k off. I was just about to cross when they called “oi pussi ‘ole” i looked around to see their dogs chain swinging inches from my head, it hit then they ran away.
2)A chav approached me and my mates and said “what one of you grungers called me a t****r?” we hadnt seen or met this chav before but he seemed to think he knew alot about our mums as thats all he seemed to speak about we told him to f**k off”
3)A couple of chavs approached us and asked us if “we had 20p” we replied with no, they then asked “do u av a spare pound” in an annoyed tone we said “no” then they stood in front of us blocked our way and said “do you have a spare phone” they then looked at us and realised we were older., they said …”you pussy’s” as they ran away the other one said “oh s**t” as he giggled like a girl.
The park is probably one of the best public places in croydon. wait until you’ve heard the rest.
For an asylum seeker to get into the UK they have to apply in croydon and many settle here or if they are refused they hide here.
So where to go to spot a refugee? Anywhere you look any race you can imagine, people say its a multi-cultral society, well thats bullshit as i am from a white anglo-saxon background and im an ethnic minority.
With them they have brought over more crime, deiseses and somthing that will appeal to chavs…fake clothing, everything from fake burberry to fake nike to fake von dutch.
Where do chavs go to eat? where else then “macy d’s” and we have 4 in our town centre alone and a kfc, pizza hut, u name it we have it.
Where to drink? We have many off liscenses in Croydon and atleast half are dodgy, theres 1 in west Croydon “chaviest place in the world” where they sold a bottle of JD to a 12 year old girl and an offie in south croydon where they more or less encourage under aged people to drink.
Croydon is full of night clubs, it wasnt that long ago since a night club in west croydon was closed because some chav shot a load of people.
The buisness side of Croydon is known as the “concrete junction” becuase thats what it is, just grey office tower to grey office tower all built around the 60′ and 70’s.
Now let me talk about west Croydon, possibly the chaviest place in the world, a barbers has refused to cut my hair because i wasnt black, every shop is dodgy and there is a shop called house of wax where they have a huge message covering the whole window “get your fresh magic mushrooms here” a game you wouldnt win is spot the white man however there are two good things about West Croydon Rock Bottom and The Cartoon, Rock Bottom is a huge guitar shop with really cool people in and The Cartoon is a Rocker bar where you can see all the local live rock bands, the only time you will see west croydon chav free is when the bikers leave the cartoon as soon as the bikers have left the chavs feel free to once again roam the streets.
West Croydon is full of junky’s and is somwhere all the scum of society live, it is not a nice place at all and i recomend if you ever go there then go with friends…big ones.
Selsdon is just the next town you get to from south croydon and its the perfect place for the wannab chav population to live, as they pretend to be poor and pretend to live in a ghetto but most are middle class and live in 4 bedroom semi-detched houses.
The people to blame for the chav population in Croydon is the government, they decided to let aload of poor refugees in and then when Croydon started to go down hill they decided they were going to cut down the amount spent on schools, Croydon is getting worse everyday, it seems like onli 5 or 6 years ago when i could feel safe leaving my home.
I have made a small translation guide incase you pass Croydon and need to talk to someone.
Safe=They acknowledge you as someone who is ok
Extra=over the top/awkward
Beggin it=Your doing somthing wannabe
Beef=Troubles with the person
Crew=bunch of people who hang out trying to cause trouble in anyway they can usualy in large numbers.
Tag=Scribble written on a wall to show that they live their because they think people read it or care.
U Get Me= Do you understand me
init= isn’t it
Braaap Braaaap=MAchine gun noises they randomly add in everyday conversation.
A few tips: Chavs Like to pretend they have been shot in the leg and are carrying guns and knives which is the reason they limp everywhere and have 1 hand in their pockets
Alot of chavs dont know what a chav is and they dont understand much standard english(due to underfounding of the schools) so if you get into trouble just use my guide above.
If A chav tells you that its Beef and you dont want any trouble turn around and say nar bruv us peops gotta be safe and look out for each other and thump your heat twice then raise you hand still clenched in a 45 degree angle, he will then do the same and then you can relax…until the next one comes along.
If a chav comes upto you and screams hatred at you even though you dont kno him then dont worry he isnt getting you confused with someone else this is just how they’ve been raised the best thing to do is ignore him, common “dis” or “cuss” words used by the chavs are “Gay” “Dickhead” and “Pussy”, “W****r” is also very popular.
I recomend that nobody moves to Croydon unless of corse you are a chav in which case ull be at home, if anybody plays guitar then to chavs you are a goth and a devil worshipper even if yor clothes are normal e.g plain jeans, vans or quicksilver t-shirt maybe plain trainers or converse.
Thankyou very much for reading this and i hope it can be of some use to you Jay