Occult fertility powers from ancient ley lines running through Chessington are said to explain the highest occurrence of teenage single mother pregnancies in the south of England. These unfortunate offspring are then subjected to a form of socialisation, mainly encompassing unsuitable televisual input, sunny delight, celebration of ignorance & interminable high decibel parental ‘discipline’. Lacking fathers or male teachers, on reaching adolescence these young chavs care only for dissin’ women (chav girls also despise their own sex) & challenging potential male role models.
The Chessington Chav hangs out at Gilders Road green, North Parade, the North & South railway stations, Hook Parade &, but naturally, Chavvington World of Adventures (see also posting – Saturday, September 25 @ 11:53:42 BST by civicl ) . The WoA deserves special mention for bussing in thousands more Chavs to an already saturated area, bringing the A24 to a standstill during the summer, from which the trapped motorist can only wonder at the acres of arse waddling past his jammed (& if you have any sense, locked from inside) vehicle.
As a guide for the wary, Gilders Road is a once bosky street, the last road in the Royal Borough of Kingston (Kingston! don’t get me started) & backs onto former green belt land. Yeah – former: those RBK masons again, living up to their name in a fit of yuppie-hutch housebuilding. From my vantage point of a 3rd floor flat, there are views over acres of woodland (don’t worry, no chav ventures the woods, or they suffer lead poisoning withdrawal & die. Horribly.) to across Epsom race course & as far as Crystal Palace & Canary Wharf – on the east side. The west side, however, looks out over Gilders roundabout, a once charming view of individual shops, a good green & giant oak tree.
WEST SIDE STORY
And then came the chavs. Lurking on the flats’ boundary wall, their daily sport in the convenience store compete (“ee’s a fackin’ Pakee innee”), these lard-faced morons delighted in attempting to terrorise residents. A favourite sport was threatening violence to cars, which – if you could catch the little f*****s at it – was easily dealt with by appealing to the offending chav’s innate sense of cowardice. I once happened to be gazing across the green from my bedroom window & caught one, egged on by his mates, about to pour corrosive over a neighbour’s car. One shout of “OY. YOU. Don’t you DARE” & the mumbling yellowbacks were up on their knuckles & away.
Another neighbour, terrified by these overweight louts, called me for help when another bunch of c***s took delight in throwing stones at her windows. Again, a quick tear down the stairs & confrontation – from a 9 stone female, mark you – elicited the classic bully’s response “it weren’t me” etc.
Easy enough in broad daylight, 5 years ago – but their number has increased. Their name is Legion. Do NOT attempt Chessington North station on your own after dark. Remember, the streets are paved with gum & your only weapon your superior belief in your own ability to carry out a threat. And watch out for the chavbirds – having learned REAL violence at the hands of their charming mama’s from the age of 6 weeks, they know how to dish it out. Take a big stick & for fucksake don’t hesitate to use it.
What with Fungus the Bogeyman offering to tear up the Magna Carta in the face of “terrorism” I say take a stand. Armed with only a few dozen chavs we can face down a double menace. Once Fungus has identified his mad mullah, why go to the trouble of house arrest (let alone the inconvenience of evidence, transparent policing or a trial)? If, as Fungus claims, neither the “terrorist” or the public can be told what these offences are lest we give succour to the axis of evil, why bother informing our pretty little civic heads about a house arrest? Instead, send a pre-wired chav to the said house – Fungus only need tell chav there is a cut price barbour sale on there – & blow the fucker up remotely on arrival. Double whammy – sorted. It’s a public service – & Tony can then publicly wring his hands over the terrible incident, planned & caused by the axis of evil. Nothing to do with him chum, he weren’t here, it weren’t him, & wottchew lookin’ at?