Ahhh, Chesham, My lovely hometown. If you’ve ever been there, you will know what a nice little town it is. Nestled in the countryside, yet only half an hour away from the outskirts of the Capital. Yes, the town itself is not a bad little town. However, there is a dark side.. I’ve lived in Chesham my whole life so far (nearly 19 years) and although I love my town, the people in it are not so respectable.
Take a typical Friday night. Most *****/********* will start off in the Red. Playing pool, drinking etc until the time calls for the long walk down the high street. The **** blokes in their Lonsdale hoodies, cheap jeans and even cheaper aftershave the **** ”laydees” letting it all hang out in a belt of a denim skirt, hair scraped back to reveal the foundation tide marks beneath the usually gelled strands that hang down their face, a tight lycra top thats low cut and reveals their fat pierced midriffs and of course the tacky black heels that are too big.
Down the the Global they go, to get even more pissed and start fights.
Or you could take a normal Saturday afternoon. Wander around town, look at the shops, grab some lunch, play a game or two of ‘spot the teen **** mother’ which isn’t a difficult game as they seem to have a problem with contraception (but, on the flip side, evidently not, as the amount of times I’ve wandered through the park and found used condoms assures me)
I wouldnt go into the park on a Saturday afternoon.
In fact I’m scared to walk my dogs in the evenings up at Lowndes park for fear of being stabbed. On the up side, at least gun crime hasn’t got here yet…
There are a few famous people that haunt Chesham (famous for going in and out of jail, being general *****, fighting or all of the above) Kev Pxxx, Gareth Hxxxxxx, The Wxxxxx Brothers etc etc etc
Chesham is a ********, it really is. ***** and ********* starting fights here there and everywhere, 7 year old chavlings smoking and spitting at passers by. But I s’pose Chesham is my ********. It’s not the town, it’s the ***** in it.
Chesham! More Like Mayhem!
Princes Risborough, if you find yourself there just keep driving
Owlsmoor, Sandhurst: enter at your peril!
Loudwater – “the edge of High Wycombe, not actually High Wycombe, OK???”
High Wycombe, you would expect it to be a pleasant, it’s far from it
Oh Milton Keynes, Milton Keynes… what have you done to yourself?
Aylesbury: eyesore concrete jungle
High Wycombe: If Slough and Gaza had a love child
High Wycombe, hearing the words reminds of the smells of piss & ganja