This souless suburb of Reading, Caversham should really be called Chaversham as it’s simply infested with fake Burberry cap wearing, cheap lager drinking, neon-lighted Nova driving, protruding lower lip, “whatchoo lookin’ at?” Chavs.
If you thought that incest was only rife in backwater village communities, then think again. The council seem to have a habit of housing single mums and their various offspring from assorted ‘fathers’ within brick throwing distance from their ex’s housing association hovel. This means that little Tommy’s (named after Hilfiger of course) dad pops round after a few pints of “courage” and lobs a brick threw the window of little Tommy’s house because the Mum’s breeding with a new boyfriend.
Caversham chavs really want to be from Reading but lack the social skills necessary to order a drink from a Weatherspoons, so instead they make do with The Star, a pit of a pub and a breeding ground for all the local “geezers”.
To be a “geezer’ in Chaversham needs the following:
1) An IQ in single figures.
2) A Nova or Clio with R&B pumpin’ from the stereo innit?
3) The obligatory fake Burberry atire (a coat is top dog)
4) A conviction for assault, T&DA or burglery
5) To be maaaaaad, As in “He’s maaad he is”
6) To be a pathalogical liar, as in “I didn’t do nuffin”
7) A love of super-skunk.
8) To know someone who knows The Darlows.
9) Total commitment to footie
10) The ability to wear a hoodie and cap in the sweltering heat and look at people out of the corners of your eyes.
Cahversham is also becoming famous for girl-chavs or kappa slappers who are often more idiotic than the blokes.
So this summer, don’t go to the coast for your holidays, come to sunny Chaversham and watch the wildlife instead.