Bury St. Edmunds – Has The World Gone Insane

East Anglia

Ok if any of my mates read this i will get some stick, but hey, this needs to be said! Bury has now become **** central. Boarders, Goths, and OAPS have been overtaken in size by a new breed – The **** influence has spread like a plague and absolutely everyone can and will be affected by it.

I have lived in Bury all my live (19 years) and i have seen some amazing changes to the town – expansion in housing, the cinema, and the cattle market to name a few changes – but no change has amazed me as much as the increase in population of ***** and there hand in hand merge with the Gary’s. They are all over the place, i have seen first hand the effects of chavness on the general population, seeing my now ex girlfriend turn into one of these nocturnal creatures destroyed me.

I shall discuss the ****’s of bury (COB’s) categorically – Meeting spots, Food, Shopping, Clubbing, and education – or lack of. So here goes:

MEETING SPOTS:
Bury St. Edmunds as home of the *****. Favorite meeting places for the COB’s would be the Abbey Ruins – where a degree of privacy is required for certain outdoor ventures, The tree outside Woolies – because it’s near a drunkman and his dog (who sits just near Thortons), the corn exchange – the steps seem to resemble the steps rocky ran up when preparing for a match, a popular imitation for any ****, and the Cattle Market – where the annual Vauxhall Nova drag races take place!

FOOD:
The COB’s will regularly meet up in front of McDonalds or Macky D’s if you want to be “street”! If too packed Burger King is a popular eatery for the COB. With the development of the cattle market comes KFC, Fast food yes, but choice of the ****! The early bird COB is often challenged to the all you can eat buffet at Pizza Hut but due to the lunch hours the **** is either asleep or assaulting someone at the time so is not normally able to attend – Macky D’s profits if this is the case.

SHOPPING:
Bury hosts a huge array of shopping outlets for the ****. Allsports, JJB Sports, New Look, Top Shop, Officers Club – which stocks a hell of a lot of Phat ******* products! Being a full timer at JJB I know that half of the COB’s shop there. I mean where else would someone try and nick a pair of Adidas trousers by pulling off the tag and hiding the trousers under a stand only to pick up later!? However, JJB only serves the Up Market **** (if there is one) Lower ***** tend to go to Allsports and normally work there if Macky D’s refused them! The Cornhill Walk must seem like Harrods to the COB – select, New Look, Qube, and JJB Sports cater for their every need!

CLUBBING:
Ahhh where to begin when talking about clubbing? First Bury offers only the finest quality night life. Extreme (the Big X) and Brazilias (Kidz Club) are a firm favourite especially on a Saturday night where again, only the finest in Hip Hop and RnB music is belted out! Clubbing in extreme feels more like a nursery. Extreme’s clubbers range from 14 year old ***** to 68 year old *****. But nothing compares to brazilias! No dress code, no age limit, all goes to help the ****! Tracksuits and Reebok classics dominate the dance floor, each **** rapping to ‘Fiddy’ or Eminem, while trying to pull another **** hussy.

EDUCATION:
Education plays a vital part in the development of the **** depending on the school. Bennies produces the ‘mock ****’ in which a child would consider themselves a **** due to the way they look but in reality they bash the bible as much as they do their bishop! KEGS produces a more opinionated ****, they have no regard for rules but, feel intimidated if threatened by the worst type of ****. That **** comes from County Upper School. Located yards from the infamous Howard and Moreton Hall estates, County produces only vintage *****. Teachers have been known to court these ***** (Golding springs to mind) and still the school boasts one of the best pass rates than any other school. HOW IN THE HELL!

So that’s a small inside to the **** Of Bury, hopefully you have been warned. This town used to be quiet and peaceful. A trip into town used to be a stroll around the market, into menzies to pick up a paper, then off to the abbey. Now its more of a gary into cattle market, into JJB to nick a Footy shirt, then off to the abbey to sell it. Ahhh Bury, You’ve got to love it!

(special thanks to Miss KC – You know who you are!!)


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