Written by Anonymous Visitor and posted in East Anglia

Ok if any of my mates read this i will get some stick, but hey, this needs to be said! Bury has now become Chav central. Boarders, Goths, and OAPS have been overtaken in size by a new breed – The chav influence has spread like a plague and absolutely everyone can and will be affected by it.

I have lived in Bury all my live (19 years) and i have seen some amazing changes to the town – expansion in housing, the cinema, and the cattle market to name a few changes – but no change has amazed me as much as the increase in population of Chavs and there hand in hand merge with the Gary’s. They are all over the place, i have seen first hand the effects of chavness on the general population, seeing my now ex girlfriend turn into one of these nocturnal creatures destroyed me.

I shall discuss the chav’s of bury (COB’s) categorically – Meeting spots, Food, Shopping, Clubbing, and education – or lack of. So here goes:

MEETING SPOTS:
Bury St. Edmunds as home of the chavs. Favorite meeting places for the COB’s would be the Abbey Ruins – where a degree of privacy is required for certain outdoor ventures, The tree outside Woolies – because it’s near a drunkman and his dog (who sits just near Thortons), the corn exchange – the steps seem to resemble the steps rocky ran up when preparing for a match, a popular imitation for any chav, and the Cattle Market – where the annual Vauxhall Nova drag races take place!

FOOD:
The COB’s will regularly meet up in front of McDonalds or Macky D’s if you want to be “street”! If too packed Burger King is a popular eatery for the COB. With the development of the cattle market comes KFC, Fast food yes, but choice of the chav! The early bird COB is often challenged to the all you can eat buffet at Pizza Hut but due to the lunch hours the chav is either asleep or assaulting someone at the time so is not normally able to attend – Macky D’s profits if this is the case.

SHOPPING:
Bury hosts a huge array of shopping outlets for the chav. Allsports, JJB Sports, New Look, Top Shop, Officers Club – which stocks a hell of a lot of Phat Bastard products! Being a full timer at JJB I know that half of the COB’s shop there. I mean where else would someone try and nick a pair of Adidas trousers by pulling off the tag and hiding the trousers under a stand only to pick up later!? However, JJB only serves the Up Market Chav (if there is one) Lower chavs tend to go to Allsports and normally work there if Macky D’s refused them! The Cornhill Walk must seem like Harrods to the COB – select, New Look, Qube, and JJB Sports cater for their every need!

CLUBBING:
Ahhh where to begin when talking about clubbing? First Bury offers only the finest quality night life. Extreme (the Big X) and Brazilias (Kidz Club) are a firm favourite especially on a Saturday night where again, only the finest in Hip Hop and RnB music is belted out! Clubbing in extreme feels more like a nursery. Extreme’s clubbers range from 14 year old chavs to 68 year old slags. But nothing compares to brazilias! No dress code, no age limit, all goes to help the chav! Tracksuits and Reebok classics dominate the dance floor, each chav rapping to ‘Fiddy’ or Eminem, while trying to pull another chav hussy.

EDUCATION:
Education plays a vital part in the development of the chav depending on the school. Bennies produces the ‘mock chav’ in which a child would consider themselves a chav due to the way they look but in reality they bash the bible as much as they do their bishop! KEGS produces a more opinionated chav, they have no regard for rules but, feel intimidated if threatened by the worst type of chav. That chav comes from County Upper School. Located yards from the infamous Howard and Moreton Hall estates, County produces only vintage chavs. Teachers have been known to court these chavs (Golding springs to mind) and still the school boasts one of the best pass rates than any other school. HOW IN THE HELL!

So that’s a small inside to the Chav Of Bury, hopefully you have been warned. This town used to be quiet and peaceful. A trip into town used to be a stroll around the market, into menzies to pick up a paper, then off to the abbey. Now its more of a gary into cattle market, into JJB to nick a Footy shirt, then off to the abbey to sell it. Ahhh Bury, You’ve got to love it!

(special thanks to Miss KC – You know who you are!!)