Posted by & filed under Greater Manchester, North West, United Kingdom.

Sadly this is a true reflection of a town that has rapidly degenerated to the point of shame. I too have ventured down Stockport on a Saturday night, and let me tell you this…Heaven and Hell is a club you go to once, and only once. A truly memorable experience, if only to laugh at the underage slappers and spotty scally lads who all look identical with their shaved heads, stripy jumpers and Rockports (is this so the police can’t distinguish between them?)

And don’t forget the delightful gold clowns that swing round the chav girl’s necks on Argos’s cheapest gold chains – don’t stand too close, they are a deadly weapon in disguise. One toss of their greasy scraped back pony tail and that clown will have your eye out. And there’s no point claiming, because Stockport Magistrates is NOT a place you want to be associated with. Never have I seen so many inappropriately-dressed miscreants congregate en famille…would a suit from TKMaxx cost so much, or even just a top that didn’t reveal the majority of their Loret de Mar tan?? Surely all those benefits should be put towards something other than a 2litre bottle of White Lightning, 3 Big Macs and a pack of 20 Sovereign?

I have to admit I feel ashamed to have to write Stockport on my address, despite being from one of its much, much nicer suburbs (yes they do exist).

OK, in it’s defence…actually, I can’t think of anything. Avoid it.

  • headseyewin

    I live in Woodley stockport its not chavy yeah sum of d yung uns dress a bit scallyish but it doesn’t mean they will rob u if ur lost in ur car and need directions they wud help you a lot of people in stockport r nice people don’t judge us all coz of a few bad appples

  • Eloise

    Ur a nasty stuck up – u no wat Im not lowering my standards to yours! It doesn’t take a genius to understand that every place you go has it’s faults but then every place has its perks as well, you are very broard minded, though I have to admire your bravery, going somewhere, once and writing a colum on your experiences tho u clearly don’t have any, or not enough to write about it in such a disrespectful way. Maybe next time u go to what ever u came from u could pick up a brain. Then come to Stockport. K?

  • delmonkey

    One of the biggest sh*tholes I’ve ever been to. Shopping on a Saturday is a great time to see the locals. They used to put these people in travelling shows for you to laugh at, these days you just go to Stockport. God knows who comes out at night!

  • ELLIOT HALL

    MY DAD IS THE GOD OF STOCKPORT AND HE WILL RIP U UP BR000!!111!!!11111111ONEONEONE!!!1111

  • montana

    you went to stockport on a saturday night? thats just explains it all. YOU my friend are the CHAV. Heaven and Hell? seriously? how old are you about 10?

  • Stockport lad

    tell me lordbanna what is your definition of a scally????……… living in Stockport I can certainly see what you mean however as I am what id class as a chav as i wear named brands, like jewellery and speak in slang does that make me a scally i think not!! from my understanding the term scally is derived of a low life dirty scumbag who likes nothing better than to fight and make a name for themselves with violence physically or mentally which in actual fact is something you just did with your derogatory comments towards another human being. people that dress in beenie hats with there jeans around there arse or people that have jet black hair with over the top makeup on even when females are just as likely to attack you as another wearing a hoodie and brandishing a big tattoo the thing is its about the person and not the stamp of the group that person fits. i would take a long hard look at myself and think again before i post such a ridiculous comment about who and who isn’t a scally!!!!

  • jake

    Bring back national service for the lazy bunch of alcoholic degenerates

  • esme

    how pathetic. ok so theres chavs in stockport, whatever, theres chavs everywhere! theres also goths, emos, moshers and everyone else everywhere you go! just get over it for god sake! nothings gonna change cause you felt the need to write about it on chavtowns, so this is really pointless and unnecessary.

  • nawty_emmski

    GOTHS N MOSHERS R WELL BIG HEADED N R AS VIOLENT N GOBBY AS SCALLIES SO DONT FEED ME DA s**t OF seLF DEFENCE!

  • nawty_emmski

    y da fuk wud we pretend 2 b chavs! :S
    im not so much a scally more of a scallies bitch n all my m8s r scallies

  • nawty_emmski

    ppl like u r jst silly swots
    go away

  • nawty_emmski

    I TotAlLy agree wid u manc-lass every1 is like ” o stockport is chav central” etc well its not! lemme get fings straight ere
    1. da reason y sum ppl like 2 shorten words like – r= are is cos its jst less wrk n saves u more space 2 rite otha fings
    2. not all scallies r violent- most of me m8s r scallies n dey not out lukin 4 trouble dey eitha jst like da fashion or wen dey do fite etc its self defence

  • lordbanana

    can someone please tell me why all the scallys answer these posts in defence? they just make themselves sound stupid with their listen to me or ill bang ya coz im soz remarks. Then again they are useful when you post a remark and want your point proving sometimes im sure people who post make a second account and pretend to be chavs to prove their own point

Posted by & filed under Greater Manchester, North West, United Kingdom.

Welcome to the wonderful world of scum. Rockport aka Stockport is the home of the hustle and bustle of everyday scum bags that pollute our atmosphere. Everyday social rejects from all corners of the greater Manchester District congregate together under the smoke filled glass ceiling of the Mersey way precinct, discussing how successful their days thievery has been, and how little Robbie and Jezzabella are now old enough to stop wearing those old hand-me-down clothes given to them as gifts by uncle tyrone in HMP Strangeways. Let me get straight to the truth. Stockport is scum. If it were possible for walls to be built round this giant cess pitt, then hand me the first brick.Infact, the united nations should lift its ban on nuclear weapons testing and allow the indaians and ****stanis to test their weapons here.
If you ever pass stockport, then a good word of advice is dont stop. By the time you have locked your car door, those ruffians on the street corner who you believed harmless will be off with your tyres and stereo never to be seen again.
The best time to go chav spotting (or hunting for the more daring) is a friday night at Grand Central. Every week thousands of the little bastards pour into the area from the local housing estates attempting to “pull” a girl who no doubt is underage and has more bums than a tiolet seat. The venue can only be described as something of the Krypton Factor or the Crystal Maze, as its layout allows the local chav gangs to hide away from prying eyes and gaze upon their next target. If you manage to pass the gangs unnoticed then you have achieved something quite astonishing.
The local club, Heaven or Hell is not one for the fait hearted. Filled with scally mums with prams, the prospect of meeting someone with intalect goes right out of the window. Besides, why would you go in there if you had a brain cell between your ears?
All i can suggest is stay away from St-Rockport as there is nothing worse.

  • Sausages

    Only just read this. And as i know it is likely that nobody may read it I feel as though I should at least leave my thoughts on this.
    As someone who was born and bred in Stockport I have to say that it IS an awful place, and YES it is full of scum. Now I admit that I used to fall under this category and was part of this social downfall. Its a sad fact but the town has been slowly dying for years, Been bled dry by drug dealers and they have now since moved on and left the town a god damn mess.
    Now. To all you semi-dyslexic fools who ‘tlk lyk dis an fink it dunt make u look stoopid’, You people just re-enforce the stereotyping of what the original comment was all about. Not saying you’re all bad people but you need to learn some grammar and stop defending something you know nothing about. Sorry. I wish I could have said something nice here.
    Toodles.
    Sausages.

  • jamie mcnally

    fuk all u lot stockport is the don it not full ov chavs u fukin muppets so go n f**k urselfs u fkin inbread fuks

  • http://None Mike Shepherd

    I dropped into the site to see how things were back home.
    I’m an original Brinny Boy from the sixties.
    We had our share of Dick heads then as well. But there were no pussies and we were never jealous about what anybody else had.
    We did all the stupid stuff and roved Manchester with impunity and that included the Shebeens of the Moss.
    From what I read here there are those who are illiterate illigitimate and generally pillocks of the first water writing rubbish about a town that they know nothing about.
    The folks I know worked their arses off to get where they wanted to be. Some prat tried to stop you getting there and you stomped the measley faced twat.
    The language aside, we got to University. We became teachers, engineers, draughtsmen, contractors. To pay to get there we were bouncers in clubs, Wimpey shovel merchants, ditch diggers on the lump and hoddies for both brickies and plasterers.
    We travelled for hours lumped in the back of trucks just to make a few bob.
    Sure we had gang fights-some of the bloody weapons frightened the hell out of the army recruiters.
    But looking at some of te crap written here makes me want to suggests to the muppets in Goverrnment that they instal retro-active abortion buttons on nthe writers’ bloody noggins.
    For God’s sake, stand up, shape up and get some bloody balls instead of crying like some bitch slapped whelp.

    Original Brinny Boy

  • Andy

    I’ve lived in Stockport all my life and am proud to say I’m one of the few here that isn’t a scally and has a higher IQ than a squirrel. To be fair some parts of Stockport are ok, better than ok in fact (i.e. Alderley, Wilmslow etc.). There’s even some culture here (we have a few museums!). That being said it is generally catnip for scallys. I only wish it weren’t true. Unfortunately most of the comments here only serve to prove the author right. Ignorance (and obviously stupidity) is bliss in Stockport!!!

  • Itsme

    Wonderfull attempt at grouping an entire Town together and completely ignoring the fact that Stockport is a nice historic place filled with good people. Of course we have our share of “eyarnobed” ‘s but in case you havent noticed the country has been run by muppets for over 40 years, no matter who the government and no matter what the mantra, education has steadily gone downhill for a long time.

    Coupled with the huge loss of manual jobs over the years and the decline in education leading to a reduction in skilled workers for skilled jobs has, for some, lead to an indoctrination into a benefit lifestyle from birth that is incredibly difficult for people to break out of. Part of this lifestyle is also the heavy use of alcohol and drugs which only compounds the problem and alienation from society. Instead of slagging people off maybe you should be slagging off the politicians who consistantly let people and their children, and children’s children down so badly.

    To try and pretend that any percentage of the Stockport population represents the entire Town is absurd and your descripitions of the place are that off the mark you could never have been here. Your writings are full of feigned eloquence and are basically bollocks.

    To my fellow people of Stockport with the questionable views on other races and cultures, cut the racism out there’s no need.

    I dont hold a grudge against anyone claiming a benefit, coming over and getting a job or seeking asylum. My anger is directed against the politcian’s who allow the benefit system, migrant work rules or asylum rules to be abused so readily, as should your anger be. Human nature is to get what we can, in the case of true asylum seekers especially, they deserve every penny we can muster. What some of these people are running from makes this alleged view of Stockport look like the most tranquil image of heaven itself.

    As a finale to my rant I’d like to draw attention to the following sentence you wrote. Because of this I question your ability to describe any place, you try to be funny but you fail, your feigned eloquence and wordplay fail also, and the worst thing of all is that you cant even spell intellect, while you sit at your keyboard and act all high and mighty.

    “Filled with scally mums with prams, the prospect of meeting someone with intalect goes right out of the window.”

    You f**king muppet.

    Peace out

  • smithy

    im from bridgehall estate and its full of “chavs scallys ” and wot! if u ran yer mouth like dat round ere yer tongue wud b ripped out u pussyhole faggot

  • http://www.myspace.com/xxtaylor07xx offylad

    i think this guy really has some issues!
    even though stockport isnt the nicest place to live, if u ever thought to take a look its on the outskirts of manchester n it one of the biggest towns in england. so ur obviously gona get chavs. n lets b honest at least it aint full of the **** scum that u want to blow us up!! think u need to get ur issues straight coz we myt have chavs but at least we dont have little **** bastards invadin the aera with their smug attitudes thinkin there class! n if u go anywhere in stockport n start runnin ur mouth thats wen u have the fukin problem bellend so fuk u!

  • nawty_emmski

    flk of happy smurf ive..(along wid most of da ppl hu hav sent a post in) lived in stockie all my life n am proud 2 sey i come frm ere! i aint a scally or a mosher or a goth or a chav or nefing im jst a person n i fink its rong dat ppl lable every single scally wiv a sicka seyin tossa or w**ker etc. most of my m8s r scallies n der amazin i cudnt want betta m8s! dnt judge ppl frm reputation

  • trumpton_riots

    mmmm! where has ardasfcuk gone?

  • trumpton_riots

    mmmm! where has ardasf**k gone?

  • happy-chappy

    Hmmm when considering Cracka the words “pot”, “kettle” and “black” spring to mind. But you just gotta “laff” at the rascist, ill educated (graviy??), bitter, middle class scum that crawls out the walls to completely contradict themselves. Well done Cracka you really have sunk to new lower levels of intelligence…

  • cracka

    you just gotta laff at the muslim luvin, single parent, graviy train riding scum that crawls out the walls to defend its non-existence , except on benefit books

  • holly_girl

    just like to say that i fully agree with your comments and people like us need to stick up for the town we call home.

  • holly_girl

    I object to the article written above. I am a 19 year old girl and have lived in stockport all my life. Yes there are a few scally looking young people but not half as bad as written above. I do not defend the scally looking people in this town but there is no need to drag all the good people in this town down with the scally stereotype. I think the person who wrote the article, is very immature and uneducated. There is bad part to every town and city so instead of stopping at just grand central why not talk about the rest of the town? I too used to go in heaven and hell regulary and i have never had any problem with the scallies. Yes there are normal, fairly well educated and brought up people in the town! I just think that the scallies need to be given a certain chance in life and maybe we might all get on never mind nuclear weapons so happysmurf………. f**k off and dont come back!

  • chavhaters

    Well im proud to say i live in stockport and dont agree with what your saying about my home town in which most of my friends and family live and always have. Just in case you were wondering, no, im not a chav or a scally, but im wondering do you actually live in stockport or have you ever even been here because your description of the town is totally wrong. My family and friends are all professional working people who have learned not to judge a book by its cover and dont we dont label people before we know them. okay there are a few scally kids but have you never thought that that is they way they have been brought up and they dont know any different, its not there fault. plus have you ever travelled round to different towns because i have and i noticed that chavs are everywhere.
    Also i think your comment on stockport was unfair in the way you grouped everyone together and didnt spare a thought for the decent people of town, including me!! if you come from stockport then your report just put yourself down and told you exacly what you think of the town you live in, so therefore you are no better than anyone else.
    If you live here and think so badly of the area why dont you just move away and go and live with other snobs like yourself.

  • VonBitch

    One must assume the previous comment was meant to be ironic….

Posted by & filed under Greater Manchester, North West, United Kingdom.

Believe me.. this is the HOME of the Scallies. They have given so much to the contribution of the scallie.
First… Let me begin with clothing. Undoubtedly, Burberry always wins. However, Fred Perry clothing. Man, this was a biggie. Blue jumpers, white strip and Fred Perry logo. Now, is this a coincidence? Yes. Most of the scallies are unaware that Fred Perry was born in Stockport. We even have Fred Perry way. Surely a haven for scallies.
When I resided in Preston, I was asked where I came from. So, Stockport being the answer. To which a chorus of “When In Stockport, Where Your Rockport” Towns further a field than the local bus route are aware of Stockport. Back to local bus routes, the 192 of death. The most violent bus route in Europe. It all happens between Stockport also. Bus’s burnt out by scallie kids messing with fire works then getting off scott free because they’re mam has 15 kids, each one ending in a high pitched squeal. Example for girls, Toni (Tow-Ni), Kiera (Kier-roh). Usually something ending in Oh (A lower case O) and leaves the mouth wide open at the end of the word. Now, to get somebodys attention, Stockport scallies love a TV program. An American medical show. ER. A Standard conversation would begin with “EEEEE-RRRR Kier-Roh”
Now you have the basis of Stockport, I will digress.
As mentioned in an article already on Stockport, You need to go to watch Stockport County. As described, there REALLY is a sea of cream tartan. I think the Burberry hat exploded upon the Stockport scene because we are known as a Hat Factory town. Hence Stockport County being the Hatters. Old roots never die!
Now, most of this Burberry gear is fake. For those who cannot afford to purchase, or are too scared to thieve these items from All Sports (2 of, one being a Mega All Sports) JJB (Again 2 of) Streetwise Sports, JD Sports, Donnay shop or at a push TK Max, We have the glamorous Stockport Market, for all your fake needs.
Also in Stockport, socks are important. It started about 1997. A number of scallies rode their stolen BMX’s to school. Some noticed it caught their pants in the cogs, so they tucked their trousers into their socks. This was soon un tucked at school. However, one rebel left his pants in. The fashion began. One sock showing. Then, this became two socks. Socks then developed from your usual Adidas and Nike brands to Golf Socks. I dont know when this transition took place, but it was soon replaced with cartoon (cart-une is Stockport) socks. Tweety Pie and Taz were soon a regular sight.
Jewelry is essential. The bigger the bling, the more impressed your scallie-ett will be. Again, a number of outlets. Samuels, Argos (2 of) Index and various just as cheap jewelry establishments.

Undoubtedly, Stockport has a breeding ground for scallies. Grand Central. When opened it boasted to be a Mecca. Pizza hut, McDonalds, A Bar, Swimming Baths, Bowling, Cinema and A Night Club. This is now somewhat run down by the influx of scallies who just sit in the middle shouting their gobs off. The night club soon lost its license because it was rubbish. Re-opened and re-branded, it still is a haven for 16yr scallies trying to get cheap booze, and some giant hopped earring girl to touch them. Heaven and Hell. What a club. The bar, called squares is gone now. And just to take that shine off it, a family Planning clinic. Monday mornings are comedy. You have never seen so many nervous scallie lads pretending not to be with the young slappers as they cue for miles to get the morning after pill. Most of them even know the employees of the businesses surrounding because they are such regulars.

Stockport Council has even cut a deal (Rumored) with Tesco. A new 24hr Tesco is being built on the outskirts of town. It is rumored that this planning permission was only granted so Tesco could employee the masses of people on welfare and benefits. I have heard several accounts of students etc.. who have been refused, even though they could be accepted at other branches. Hmm.. rum.
Well, that should clear it up for you.
Remember, when In Stockport, Wear Ya’ Rockport.

  • Paul Hulme

    How sad that Manchester is much safer than Stockport to spend an evening out, it has been for some time. I was born in Stockport, Stepping Hill Hospital 1947. There have been many changes in Stockport over the years, some good, some not so good.
    There is some confusion about the locals in as much that most of the problems are imported from Levenshulme and Gorton. Reddish bearing the brunt of this onslaught.
    I remember the time when council officials inspected gardens of council tenants, awards given. I also remember when schools, staff and the police expected respect from youngsters.

    Almost overnight there was a change, perhaps Invasion of the Body Snatchers was not a film, it really happened.
    Young girls, not long out of school, pushing prams which contain babies eating pasties from Greggs. The young girls always smoke and converse in extreme language with the obligatory sexual expletives.

    The new born don’t stand a chance

    The question is
    Who is to blame?

    Could it be Greggs .

  • http://www.questdisposal.ca/metal-recycling/ Metal Recycling

    I hope the deal makes benefits to both, is it a strategy?

  • Mike L

    I used to work for Stockport Homes housing association as a Clerk of Works, and was treated to many an in-depth look at the archetypal chav and chav home. As much Argos gold as their wrists/fingers/necks could carry (the full ‘Mr T’ look being most desirable), the council house facelift for female chavs (hair scraped back to the point where the chav’s facial skin was pulled taught), and at least one kid (how else are you going to go to the top of the housing list?), complete with stupid name, eg Alysha, Lakeesha, Chardonnay, Tyson, Anneka, or a combination of all of those. The house or flat had to be furnished with as much stolen property as possible, or at least furniture ‘bought’ on credit, which was about as likely to be repaid as the USA’s deficit. Sky TV was mandatory, and in winter the heating and gas fire had to be running at full chat (when you aren’t paying for the rent or heating, it’s daft not to). Dog turds in the house were optional, as was having doors/drawers on the kitchen units (usually torn off in a drunken stupor) and having room doors which didn’t have fist or boot holes in them.
    The sense of entitlement that comes with being a chav is also an essential requirement. 99% of them were as thick as a Gurkha’s foreskin, but they could play the benefit system like Oscar Peterson on a Baby Grand. Any time you had to tell one of these knuckle scraping imbeciles that they weren’t getting a new kitchen or bathroom (usually because the one they had was only 3 years old, but appeared to have been used by a herd of blind rhinos every day), you could expect a torrent of abuse that was so jaw-droppingly moronic that it was hard to not keel over laughing.
    It was always hardest to speak with the old people who lived on the God-forsaken estates, who kept their homes clean and tidy and tended their gardens, and spent their nights behind bolted doors, cowering from the drooling cretins roaming the streets. Stockport is a microcosm of Britain. The place is f**ked.

  • mikey1345679

    lol

    Stockport aint that bad. Well actually it proberly si now like everywher in this country. I live in sale snow at 34. i gre wup in one of the nciers parts of STockport. grand central was always like tah. i rember going to taht club when it was c alled Coco Savannas ws ok then.

    Grand cnetral always ahd afew scallies about and was quite violent. But i drove through Brinnington recently (its on teh hill above stockport) -Jesus now taht place is a hell hole ghetto.

    soory my typing is poor and I cant be bothered correcting it must b ebecaus IMs tockport scally scum, where me brown rockport boots, I dont like fred perry any more I like LAcoste, which i refre to as Lacostie. I did lugh at the commenta bout them elaving their mouths opne afte evry word. IN many wasy Stockport was always more aggro tahn much of Manchester.

  • IloveUnclePerry

    I wrote this some years ago. It is still relevant today. Brilliant.
    and Tesco did open.
    And it is full of Welfare Scroungers.

  • barbiedoll-x

    Pmsl im no chav but i live in stockie – edgeley n i fink its mint!! yer they r alot of chavs n tht but who cares u gt thm anywhere! ive bin out wif chavs n ther not as bad as thy seem!! ther all iccle darlings really :) luv barbie xx :D

  • happysmurf

    yup. appears another chav found the internet. YOUR A COCK. NOW f**k OFF

  • bobs

    Pardon?

  • chavrc

    nah nah nah!! stockie iznt bou scalliezz!! it bout bein wit ya granny shoppin in dorothy perkinzzzzzz!! 4 sum sxc nikers!!!!!!!! dnt dis stockie! itz bin da best ome 2 me 4evaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! in a bizzle!! x

  • stopfordian

    Someone told me on christmas eve they had been in the new Tesco you mentioned and in their opinion many of the staff seemed like scallies. They said the store was filthy and wouldnt be going again.
    Your other comments about Stockport I should imagine could reflect the way a lot of towns/cities are these days.

Posted by & filed under Greater Manchester, North West, United Kingdom.

Stockport: Officially Not Far From Manchester.

They used to make hats in the town. In fact, the origin of the phrase ‘mad hatter’ is from when workers contracted mercury poisoning from chemicals used in the process. I can only assume it polluted the gene pool too. The only hats to be seen in Stockport nowadays are of the baseball variety.

To be fair, Stockport has some very wealthy areas. Unfortunately, it has more than its fair share of scummy ones too. The inhabitants of these tend to descend on the town centre in an orgy of Burberry, fake gold and fire hazard clothing material.

The epicentre of Chav is undoubtedly the Grand Central leisure precinct, near the rail station. This has all the hallmarks we’ve come to expect from a major chav hangout – the vaguely American-sounding name, the bowling alley, the multiplex cinema, the faceless bar chain and, of course, the usual, ubiquitous fast food purveyors.

However, the major draw is a nightclub called Heaven & Hell (though I suspect it’s more the latter). This is where the lads – sporting the skin conditions of long term Burger King user – go to mate with the Bacardi Breezer toting, high heel tottering female of the species. Of course, these are chavs in their best outfits, but they’re mutton dressed as … well, mutton. All the social skills we’ve come to expect are present and correct:

“What the fook are yews lookin’ at? w**ker!”

“Beckeh … Beckeh … Coom ‘ere, ya slag!”

Stockport centre is not a good place to be at chucking out time. Anybody with an ounce of class gives it a miss and heads for Manchester instead (although even the big city isn’t immune). In fact, had the IRA parked their lorry load of explosives outside Stockport’s horrendous, architectural eyesore of a shopping centre, they would have been praised for their civic-minded vision.

Posted by & filed under Greater Manchester, North West, United Kingdom.

I’d like to nominate Stockport as the chaviest place in the entire world, and have the town’s name changed to ‘Rockport’. It says a lot about the culture of the people of your home town, when your cultural hotspot isn’t a museum, park, art gallery or even cafe/bar, but a McDonald’s Drive-Thru. Chavs, or scalls as they’re charmingly referred to, are ferried day in and day out from council estates by a constant stream of buses driven by drivers with nerves of steel. Take for example the train journey from the south into Stockport – pass through my charming village of Cheadle Hulme, and the railway runs freely through wooded field and past tree-lined roads; head further into Stockport and the track becomed lined with giant metal fences, designed to impale any unwelcome visitors. Good job the trains are electric – 25kV of alternating current is an excellent deterrent.

You can meet a chav anywhere in Stockport, from the friendly DSS building, to the Post Office queue, and the Bowling Alley. I was actually quite shocked to see a chav in the bank last week, but as it turns out he was just whinging about his overdraft, and the fact that he’d bought a brand new Fiat Punto Turbo Chev Extreme with 3ft alloys but couldn’t afford the repayments – peasants!!

One local councillor was quite shocked when she found Stockport was on The Idler’s list of bad towns, proudly declaring that 50% of the borough is greenbelt land. What she’d failed to notice however, is that the remaining 43% are council estates, 2% is a giant refuse tip (handily situated near the largest of the council estates for chucking out old 3-piece suites and unwanted kids), 3% is the River Mersey, leaving the remaining 2% to those who actually work for a living as opposed to waiting for their tax credits to come through. Our town is so bad, many people are even considering relocating to Milton Keynes….

Stockport’s most famous hero is of course Fred Perry, the only British man ever to have won Wimbledon, and every day the kids pay tribute to him by wearing his branded stripy tops and jumpers. Stockport is also the only town in the world where the local demolition experts are the kids, and where local businessmen finish at 3pm every day, just before the schools end for the day. Smart move.

  • Lauren

    So I would say I live in the bin of Stockport, Brinnington. The people that live there are expected to be teenage parents, be on benefits, have no GCSEs, very dirty people, have a massive criminal record and be involved with drugs.

    All of the things above do not describe me, I don’t have any children, I work part time and I am University full time, I have NEVER been on benefits, I do not have a criminal record, I have GCSEs and I left College with 3 As. I think this proves that just because people have an idea of a place it doesn’t mean it describes everybody that lives there

  • Zacat Dibrov

    Ok there are there are these so called chavs that like to act and dress in a certain way. Lets look at the Facts 2 large private schools in the close vicinity of the town center. Lambagini garage close to the town center. Larger working population than Manchester. Some nice people who actually get up in the morning to work for a living. A hell of a lot of millionaires and successful business people also. Just because there are 192 buses lots of students and a handful of chavs is Stocport that bad of a place. If you don’t like the place then I suggest you try living in another town. I am not here to stick up for the chavs but don’t let a few stripes and worn out rock ports get you down give Stockport a break there are many worse towns.

  • jess

    You guys do know heaven& hell hasn’t been open for a while, infact the bulding doesn’t exist anymore:)
    Although yeah, I agree its full of chavs but there is also a lot of people that actually work..:)

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  • Yoyo chavvy bo!!

    Nah naaaaaaah maate.. Stockie iz da place 2 b innit.. U myt fink its all full of dem chav neds like but dars not ever1.. U gta open ur eyes n mind n u will c stockie is da wayy. Seriouss. Nxt tym ur walkin den past grandcentral c hw every in maccas iz happy- dey dnt need much in lyfe. Luk at r architectur n da viaduct, notice da sweet likkle independent shops on underbank. Take a cruz den 2 Lyme park Yo n discova da beauti. Hw can y’all diss such a magnificnt place!??? Luk outside ya comfort zones n actualli go owt 2 discova stockie.. Peace n luv of da world

  • paulapoz

    just incase anyone is still unsure about the definition of a chav, here area few ‘ chav facts ‘.

    How do you get 100 chavs in a Mini?
    Throw in a Giro.

    How do you get them out again?
    Throw in a job application.

    What do you chavs use for protection during sex?
    A bus shelter.

    What do you call a chav in a job centre?
    Lost.

    What do you call a chavette in a white tracksuit?
    The bride.

    What do you call a chav in a packet of crisps?
    ‘Salted’ (sounds like Sorted).

    What do you call an Eskimo chav?
    Inuinnit.

    What do you call a chav in a church?
    Holysh*t.

    As we all know a Bus Shelter provides absolutly no protection during sex, which means it doesn’t matter where you live, there’s always a chav near YOU!

  • carlya

    Stockport is the worst night out ever aswell, especially as the best night club is Heaven and Hell, which is chav heaven. also PURe under 18 chav heaven, bound to see a fight. People in stockport are ugly. girls all have black hair and big gold earrings and orange faces. Boys have spotty faces, manky teeth and speak like they are disabled. Never go out in stockport!

  • daveyboy2k4

    I agree, all those little 16 year olds trying to get into Grand Central Bar, it just makes you laugh. Especially when they try and get in with an ID card they made at home with a felt-tip pen!

  • gigglingnewt

    I will agree with you that Stockport, should be considered as one of the most chavish places in the country, I think that it easily outstrips anywhere in the else in the northwest,, due largely to the chav shrine that is GRAND CENTRAL!

Posted by & filed under Greater Manchester, North West, United Kingdom.

Definitely chav central!, the place is infested with them!, take a walk round and see the sights and definitely the smells!!!. check out grand central on a friday night, the place is awash with fake burberry, white trainers and beat up novas playing “Bangin Chunes!!”. lots of chavetts as well all with BIG gold earings and white tracksuits………..

  • Mr_Horse

    A truly horrible place, must be 90% unemployed chavs and chavettes. If it were the target of a nuclear attack ( a guy can wish.. ) we wouldnt be loosing too many brain cells.