Ilkeston: The perineum of the east midlands

Living in Ilkeston, East Midlands

Ilkeston: The perineum of the east midlands

Living in Ilkeston, East Midlands
    Derbyshire   |    East Midlands   |    Pic Via

The perineum of the east midlands is between Nottingham and Derby, this sinkhole of humanity known as Ilkeston has a derby postcode, but is more closely located to Nottingham than Derby.

Tourism and activities

There are not a great number of scheduled activities here but the anual Charter fair takes place every October and is one of the oldest and largest street fairs in Europe. It’s not clear why this event continues, but it does provide the brief opportunity for gypsy travellers to have a rare moment of superiority amongst the underclass of local inhabitants.
When the fair is in town waltzer spinners are kings and sexual acts may be traded for a cone of chips or two’s on a lambert and butler cigarette.

We should also give mention to the local market which takes place every Thursday, Friday and Saturday. This uniquely depressing experience of sifting through bargain basement items and produce (reminiscent of scenes of 3rd world children collecting scrap metal in high noxious landfills) is only for the more determined shopper and should be avoided by those with a modicum of dignity and self respect.

list of non-scheduled activities here (no dates or times available)

  1. Fighting
  2. Public urination
  3. Dog mating (subject to season)
  4. General drunkenness and high jinks

Transport links

Mainly comprising of extensive bus links, it now benefits from a recently reopened train network to disperse the toxic waste longer distances.

Prospects and solutions

Zero..







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