Written by Anonymous Visitor and posted in Lancashire, North West, United Kingdom

chavs? what are they? where did they spring from i here you ask! unfortunately i dont have the answer but i do know what they do and where they live,

description of a chav or as i like to call them townies, your average townie will where some sort of adidas jogging bottem tucked into a set of bright white socks with a pair of rocksport (no not a typing error) top half usually consisting of a stripey top and somesort of fake burberry usually a hat, and they must have there hair matted down with the cheapest gel from the corner shop (mainly happy shopper brand) into perfect straight lines with the cap placed at a 45 degree angle on top of there head, as for there voice the only way i explane there voice is- try speaking whilst trying to hold your windpipe closed with the back of you mouth, quite difficult but if they can pull it off then im sure the rest of us can!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
as for the female of the species …………………………………………………………………………………mostly pregnant at the age of 14, must were at all times a ton of the cheapest makeup available, known as slap buy these people because it is applied with a trovel, and fake gold earings of at least 10 inch (townie law), also a unbelieveably tight top to try and show off the little curve they actually haveand skin tight jeans, usually with babe printed across the ass bought from burnley market at what the believe to be an extortionate price followed buy a pair of either nike or adidas trainers that have to be alost black there that old. as for the older and bigger chavs mainly the same as the male of the species.
The worst areas of town for these reprabates has to be burnley wood and the bottem end of brunshaw mainly lyndurst road (avoid at all costs), burnley wood is more of a kids haven, where it is not an uncommon site to be seeing 2 and 4 year old kids wandering the streets playing with glassa anyone older than this must be breaking glass and or hurling abuse at passing people, especially me as i am a “gof” coz i “weer black tops” there grammar is unbelievably brilliant!!!!!!!!!!!! the can even spoke reght england i wish i could talk like that. at nights it is a common site to see fire engines putting out house fires whilst being pelted by stones by the afore mention townie kids mosly because there parents are “of dere faces” on white lightning, lyndurst road on the other hand is a much different place althought there arent as many kid townies the older ones between 12 and 18 hang around at night waiting for an unsuspecting person to come by that they can prey on and beat to within an inch of there lives but unlike normal a fight there has to be at least 15 of them to take on one child and 20 if its an elderly person, they like there parents, drink white lightningusually a bottle between the whole of them after scrimping together what remains of there parents benefits. they tend to smash windows, steal cars, rob houses, that sort of thing, you know the higher townie jobs to hopefully scrape enought money together to buy enought weed for a joint that they will all share for about six weeks.

For a full on townie expierence of burnley night life one must be ready to fight with a guy that is five times bigger than you but remembering that you have 14 mates backing you up , a normal night out would start at bootleggers where drinks are stupidly cheap at a pound a drink, but beware if you are over 18 yoou will not get in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
following you then have yates’ where dance and trance music is blasted at stupidly high volumes whilst you recieve evil eye by anybody that breaths ( including the air conditioning) then on to weatherspoons for anouther round of stuidly cheap drinks and stay ther till off yer face, now tanked up to the high heavens you must now walk around town for as long as it takes untill you find someone to fight with, approach and start fight with opening phrase “what you looking at” now fly at the person 14 friends included untill either you or the other person needs a hospital visit!!!!!!!!!!!
supposing that by some miracle you manage to win now you must head for XS so you can listen to bangin tunes and get pilled up. now pilled up to the high heavens you must now pick a fight with the biggest person you can find with new opening phrase “you startin mate” next time you are concious you are in the ae at burnley general with multiple stab wounds, realising your mates were to pilled up to realise you where even alive never mind in a fight,
once well enought, you should now head home and boost that you banged out ten guys that were five times bigger than you and as you backed away there other five mates ran you over in there nova with a well smart body kit and a banging sound system.

hope you enjoyed reading my view of burnley!!!!!!!!!!!

things a townie may say to you

gof
mosha
you startin
what you lookin at
f**k away
do one
all reght

This is the limit of thier vocabulary due to the short amount of time they actually spent at school, because they were to well hard to go to school