Why not take a day off and come visit Kent’s finest seaside town? Feeling cultured? Herne Bay has so much to offer. What with its historical amusement arcades, untouched since the 1980’s, and it’s many food outlets that outnumber the town’s entire population, TWICE OVER, yes… you’re guaranteed a journey through time – and not to go hungry whilst you’re on it.
The town may offer free spontaneous sparring sessions between the hours of 9pm and 4am weekends and at most venues weekdays before midnight.
Keeping within the spirit of the town, it is recommended that you hang around with at least three or four other leisure goers who will drink and snort as much as you, as well as shout incoherent sentences above the voices of anyone in your vicinity, this will help reassure everybody that although you appear uneducated, it’s Okay, because you’re ‘ard and not to be messed with. In addition, this will also help ensure that you do not appear insecure to anyone.
Once you’ve overcome a few of shepherd neames finest, you will emancipate yourself from any doubts you may have had regarding your well-being, and you may also find that you begin to join in with the local chit chat. Yes, you will go from feeling above the bullshit, to becoming a part of it. Herne Bay is the town that never leaves a person feeling left out. It will be sure to bring you down to its level.
A common motto that goes around is that “you can check out but you can never leave” indeed, once you are just as much full of **** as everyone else, it is the one place you can be sure to bury your head, away from the successes of the rest of the world.
The town need not rely on the local newspaper, instead it opts to adopt the old fashioned ‘word of mouth’ system. Oh yes, if you fart at the Hampton, it will echo in the Ethelbert. And if you say hello to somone at breakfast, you’ve assaulted them by dinner.
So come on down, enjoy a casual chat with one of the many locals who thinks their tough or special, because they’ve travelled the gruelling one hour train journey all the way “down from London.” And are proud to be popularly referred to as “D.F.L’s”
Hell why not bring the kids? They probably come from shitty surrounding town’s anyway, they’ll fit right in.
No It’s not quite the ********, Sheppey, nor the DFL capital that is Whitstable, heck, it’s not chaversham nor c*nterbury. And it’s not like its anywhere in Thanet. And so, as **** as it seems, ladies and gentlemen, I give to you, Herne Bay………… Kent’s finest.