Ahhh Doncaster, that s**t-hole surrounded by other s**t-holes such as Hull, Barnsley, Pontefract, Cunthorpe and Rotherham. You’ve probably been forced to pass here on the train at sometime in your life seeing all the attractions such as the smack rat infested balby flats and dirty Hexthorpe.
The town has gotten a little cult appeal lately, and no not for Doncaster Rovers or Elton John coming to the town (who gives two s***s?), but for everyones favourite dirty charver DEVVO!
As you enter Doncaster on the coach in the bus station look close at the murals on the wall and you’ll see none other than DEVVO included on it. You better believe Donny is a town proud of it’s chavvyness!
Is that amount of chavdom coming from your town something to
be proud of?! Yes Nottingham
has Robin Hood, but he robbed the rich to feed the poor. Devvo robs anyone to feed himself and buy
beer and drugs! Wow that gives people a
positive image of the town!
Oh and the Nottingham thing, don’t get me started! Doncaster is counterfeit Nottingham! Why is there a bush shaped like Robin Hood near Lakeside? Why is the Airport called Robin Hood? Sherwood isn’t even near! It’s about 40 f*****g miles away! Are people that ashamed of their town? I even had a lecture by a guy from Askern about how Robin Hood really lived in Doncaster! Co’mon dude!
There are a few rules when you enter Doncaster too. Number one is never call the town Doncaster, call it Donny or you’ll sound like a nob. Another is don’t diss the ‘Rovers’ (unless you want a load of rough ex miner locals preparing your funeral) and don’t shag anyone without protection and a big f**k off shield on your cock (Doncaster was highest for sexual diseases once).
Doncaster centre (ok just the
Frenchgate area) recently has had a makeover throughout the years. A new bus station, a new Frenchgate centre, shops no-one can afford, a
new airport, a new football stadium and a new racecourse, but the problem is
none of these hide the fact that Doncaster is still a
s**t town with a bad reputation, no jobs and too many asylum seekers. All the flowers in the world can’t hide chavs. By the looks of what Doncaster council throw
money at all Donny people seem to care about is getting out of Doncaster,
watching football and betting on horses! Hey i even heard the mayor of Doncaster doesn’t even live in Doncaster!
A quick walk around other parts of the centre you can by crap from Doncaster market, where everything is stolen or about to be stolen or go to the Collonades centre (yes there are two shopping centres for Devvo wannabes) where chavvettes buy baby Lia gone off fish fingers and tinned meat. When you enter nearby villages such as Bentley, Hyde Park, Woodlands, Skellow and Rossington (Rosso mayte) you are really entering the wasps nest!
A night out in Donny is magical with attention to chavvy detail. It’s comlete with bums sitting on steps drinking white lightning near the Purple Door strip club or the Jobcentre and chavvettes with near nothing on looking to volunteer to contibute to Doncasters rising pregnancy rate. Awww bless em!
Round here there are honestly more pubs than shops! Take your bloody pick! You can probably get pissed on a tenner. All are the typical chart and tart places complete with school disco styley DJ and chav on chav violence, probably fuelled by an argument over an orange slapper.
The little chavs too young to start fights and drink Carling in town get their chavvy arses to the Dome to go skating and argue over underrage orange slappers. You REALLY don’t want to fall over on your arse skating in there! The Dome is really like a chav training ground where chavs train only to end up in one of Doncaster’s many prisons (one of em nicknamed Doncatraz) or the jobcentre looking for a job to provide for baby Chardonnay.
There are just too many chav bars in Doncaster, and i even heard the old Odeon cinema will be (by magic) ANOTHER BAR! You just have to feel sorry for the poor barmaid saving up to get out of the town for uni while having her tits oogled by a hairy Sheffield reject.
And to top off your trip why not end your day with a trip to nearby Hull! Wow what a shitty town! No job opportunities, chav on chav violence, high pregnancy rates! It’s like they made a Devvo theme park in Donny!