You know you’re from Chester-le-street when…

There are several things that make chester-le-street great and here are some of the main historical things that have happened in chester-le-street over its vast history.The town was originally called Concangis back in the days of the romans when it was first settled but eventually people saw the light around the year 700 and realised Chester-le-Street was a much better name for the place. One of our main claims to fame here in Chester is that St Cuthbert was burried at The Parish Church of St Mary and St Cuthbert. He was there for 113 years before being stolen from us and moved to Durham Cathedral . It was also the site of the first translation of the Bible into English. We also have a proud sporting heritage. An early version of football was once played in the town. The game was played until 1932 between the “Upstreeters” and “Downstreeters”. Play started at 1pm and finished at 6pm. To start the game, the ball was thrown from the Queen’s Head hotel in the centre of the town and in one game more than 400 players took part. The centre of the street was the dividing line and the winner was the side where the ball was (Up or Down) at 6pm. The game was finally stopped in 1932, when a number of players were fined under the Highways Act for obstructing the highways and causing an annoyance to pedestrians.
So thats it, the history of the town pretty much summed up. But who cares, that is how people outside look in. This is how we know Chester-le-Street…

You know you’re from Chester-le-street when…
• You went for your first drink aged 14 in one of its vast assortments of “pubs”
• You have spoken to the colonel/the gentleman at least once and have spent many a drunken night in awe at his complete upright posture
• You have committed at least one criminal offence
• You have or know someone who has stolen sweets from woolies (RIP) or longs and then sold them on for cheap at school
• You went to Hermitage or Park View and hated the other with a strong passion
• You know who “bellend haircut woman” and Christine Donaldson are and are terrified by them
• At some point you have made a tanoy announcement made telling you to get out of the kids rides/stop terrorising old ladies in St. Cuthbert’s Walk and found it hilarious
• You remember the infamous sticky carpet at Crocs before it became Gravity and Crox
• You were regularly told as a child about ST Cuthbert being buried in Chester at some point in our town’s great past and you couldn’t really give a s**t
• If people ask where you are from you reply with Chester (pronounced Chesta) and then have to spend the next 20 mins explaining its a ****** little town that is near Newcastle/Sunderland/Durham and not that **** place where hollyoaks is filmed
• You never know exactly which city is closest to you out of Durham, Sunderland and Newcastle
• You still never managed to work out the difference between the 21, 21A and 21B (unless you lived in a place where one didn’t go)
• You went drinking white lightning down Chesta Park/North Lodge Park and were at some point chased off the “Bizzies” and if unlucky enough to be too pissed to run you had your name taken and if even more unlucky you got taken home
• You always wondered how many times you could get your name taken for drinking in either park before anything happened and still haven’t found out.
• You remember the Wine Cellar (which is now something pointless) and their ID policy: over 10 – no questions asked and greatly thank them for aiding your underage drunken antics.
• You were scared to walk past that big old building on the right hand side of the road past the top of the front steet because apparently it was a mental hospital with child killing psychopaths living there
• The Lambton Arms will always be called Huxters and it is now completely ***** since it has been done out
• The overpriced drinks in Huxters and Studio never cease to amaze you and every time you go you make a mental note never to go back but always forget
• You pride yourself knowing that in the 800m or so that makes up “The Street” there are at least 17 Pubs, Clubs and Working Mans Clubs so you are never anymore than an average of 50m or so away from the next drink
• You’ve never actually been to the Market Tavern, Ye Olde Miners Lampe (now The Bridge) or The Butchers Arms.
• You wonder why there are 8 or so bakers on the street and then realise as you pass a 14 yr old **** mam stuffing another Greggs pasty into her “Pastie-Baby’s” hands that they are there to provide vital nourishment to the children of chesta
• On every night out the same argument crops up: where is the best take away, Ceaser’s Kitchen, Figaro’s, Bridge End or The Golden Chippy and you can never come to an agreement but do decide that Brenda’s “Fish Bar” is by far the worst
• You’ve had a slushy from Citrone’s and even ventured inside for some deep fried grease with more grease once or twice
• Lunches at school consisted of Ceaser’s Meal deals, A chip cone from Clem’s or something completely random and stupid from Tesco (or the Co-op before Tesco opened)
• You know why the nets are on the roof of the buildings next to Clems and its not to keep the pigeons off –it’s actually because someone climbed up there once and caused mayhem to all of the 3 people on the front street that day.
• On a morning you would try to persuade a bus driver you were under 14 to get on for a half, that same night (sometimes still in uniform) you would be off down the wine cellar pretending to be over 18 to get some White *****
• With the exception of the Dreamscape thing taking off, nothing of any real interest has ever actually happened in Chester and probably never will
• You’ve nearly been ran over running across the 167 because you simply couldn’t be arsed to walk the extra 30ft to go over the foot bridge
• Christmas eve is spent down the street and not with family
• The bald man who talks to himself and tries to sell random knocked off goods on the street scares the s**t out of you
• You know everyone who lives in Chester – everyone is related, known through school or because they had a fight with someone
• You know that the card shop in St Cuthbert’s walk is owned by Bryan Robson’s brother
• You’ve eaten in Da Vincis and still don’t see what all the fuss is about
• You sometimes call Chester “Chester-le-s**t because although it is home, its a bit scruffy and fairly w**k
• Chester is famous for a few things: Pubs, Teenage pregnancies, *****, pasty babies, charity shops, a massive unemployed population and having the highest rates of heart disease In Europe (mainly because of citrone’s and Clems).
• You know all of these things and when explaining to someone that you live in a small town somewhere between Durham, Sunderland and Newcastle you insert random selections of them into conversation to prove that Chester is better than the s**t hole they live in!!!
• You consider anyone from any further south then Scotch Corner as a Southerner and think anyone north of Gosforth might as well be Scotish
• Urban renewal or building redevelopment consists of 3 vital steps – 1). An arson attack, 2). The demolition of the remaining burnt out shell, 3). A new bar is built in place of what was once there
• You could have won on who wants to be a millionaire when the question “where does durham county cricket club play their home games?” came up as the million pond question. Of course the answer is chester-le-street
• you have been drunk and disorderly on the night bus home from town (Sunderland, newcastle, durham, wherever) as you didn’t fancy spending ££££ on a taxi

Wall Suggestions
• At some point you have had to run in fear for you life from either Pikery or Ginger Joe – or a combination of the two
• **** the metro centre – you know that the best shopping centre in europe is Chesters very own InShops. Where else can you buy a carpet, get flashy lights for your phone and be repulsed by the smell of raw fish all at once
• you regularly experience the traffic jams caused by the old man wearing a high vis jacket on his bicycle making his daily expedition from Chester to the shipyards in town
• The happy shopper will always be the happy shopper (regardless of current name) and will always have a special place in your heart as being the place to buy alcohol (whilst still underage) once the wine cellar had been shut down
• The lights from the town christmas tree were removed in fear of them being stolen
• You are regularly pestered by ***** asking for 20p for their bus or to “lend” a tab with no intention of returning the tab taken at a later date
• You now know what the rubble between The Market Tavern and Tesco’s used to be – it was a cinema (and later a bingo hall) that was destroyed by an arson attack and no-one over was quite arsed to rebuild it.

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