As you enter into Aylesbury, you find yourself in a traffic jam because someone decided to put a bunch of traffic lights and roundabouts everywhere. Don’t worry, it’s all part of the tour. Being stuck in the traffic allows you to observe the magnificent beauty of all the ‘trashy citizens’ that live there. It’s truly beautiful to see all the ch4vs walking around making what Aylesbury is. Although uncommon, you may find the ‘rare suburban kid’ walking around but usually they quickly retreat to the middle-class paradises of Bedgrove and to them posh schools around Tesco. Them kids, you don’t need to worry about. They’re cool, and will get somewhere in life.
The ch4v population becomes even more dense around the various fast-food establishments in Aylesbury. Especially, the McDonalds near High Street up town. Here you can further observe what they get up to. Generally, making a nuisance and making everything sh*t. They’re loud, obnoxious and dumb. We need to protect these species; they’re not endangered by any means, but they are a great tourist attraction to laugh and scoff at.
There are currently no shops selling weed or mandy, but just ask any person wearing anything predominately Adidas or Nike, and even including the people who wear ‘Stone Island’ but they’re still ch4vs trying to be some ‘rich kid ard nut’.
If you really want to see the next generation of people that will make up the lower-class in the next 10 years, [do not] visit Aylesbury College and the various other schools in Aylesbury presumed ‘outstanding’ in the eyes of Ofsted (but [wrongly thought of as] failing sh*t holes by anyone else). Take a look near Berryfields and near Stoke Mandeville. Just make sure you don’t have any valuable items or they will be gone. Most of these kids will get nowhere in life and yup, you will be paying your taxes to keep them. How does that make you feel? Imagine working your socks off 9-5, only to be paying taxes to these future kids who will do NOTHING in their life.
Want to know if someone is from Aylesbury? Here is a checklist for you:
- 3 fingers covering their face on their profile picture or other social media profile
- Hands below their trouser line
- Uses the ‘100’, gun, money emojis
- Shows defiance using terms such as ‘**** the police’ in their bio
- Wears anything predominantly Nike or Adidas
- Generally obnoxious
- Lives near Southcourt or Elmhurst
If you’re a middle to upper class family or individual looking to move to Aylesbury, then ensure you employ 4 full time security guards and a dog and some barbed wire around your house. Another tip, don’t retreat into McDonald’s, it’s where they all hang out.
Tring: So what has changed?
Aylesbury: eyesore concrete jungle
High Wycombe, you would expect it to be a pleasant, it’s far from it
Owlsmoor, Sandhurst: enter at your peril!
High Wycombe, hearing the words reminds of the smells of piss & ganja
High Wycombe: If Slough and Gaza had a love child
Marlow, Full of smug yummy-mummies & the stockbrokers who keep them
Totteridge: Where every Tesco comes with a bunch of ********!
Oh Milton Keynes, Milton Keynes… what have you done to yourself?