Kibworth, a beautiful countryside town filled with middle class, old, white men, right? Wrong. An *********** from the south east of ch4vs has destroyed the town, filling each bush with an array of used heroin needles and grotty condoms. Just making it down the A6 without hearing the word ‘oi you f*kin cant’ is about as common as seeing even the slightest sign of life in Smeeton Westerby.
Making it down the road, you will see the beautiful high street, iced like a cake made of sh*t with the [allegedly] worn down wine shop and the
greasy legend known as Doner Kebab. If you don’t see a cancer cell cluster of 15 year old boys with smoker’s coughs and girls wearing almost nothing, you should count your blessings, you have survived the first stage of the gauntlet.
You hear a yell to your right. Who could it be? Oh right, its PC Win chasing some high school boys from the kids playground, interrupting the ‘sesh’ (a gathering in which a group of people get drunk and initiate in sexual intercourse).
Finally, the jewel in the weed stained crown of Kibworth, the high school. A fortress of angry kids running wild, like autistic lions in a heavily fortified zoo. If you were to search the blazers of a couple of the kids, you would
certainly [allegedly] find a couple **** and enough drugs to make a fiver from old Flynn down the road. [This is not true. We have to say that, because Headteachers of not-for-profit-on-paper academies are the bane of our existence]
Overall, I would recommend visiting this village. If you are looking to get shanked in the back, that is.
Fleckney, Leicestershire, avoid this town like the plague
At Leicester’s Clock Tower, smell the stench of BO & cheap perfume
Leicester: feel threatened by the sheer amount of ‘Roadmen’
Come to Wigston and sample the smells, the broken glass & the syringes
Melton Mowbray: Neanderthals loiter outside McDonalds, with not one GCSE in Car Theft between them
Coalville has the general aroma of a deceased town
Hinckley: Pretensions To Adequacy
Leicester – The Cheater’s Haven
Markfield: Christ, this place is awful!