Kibworth – The Drug Den of England

Living in Kibworth Beauchamp, Leicestershire
Living in Kibworth Beauchamp, Leicestershire

Kibworth, a beautiful countryside town filled with middle class, old, white men, right? Wrong. An *********** from the south east of ***** has destroyed the town, filling each bush with an array of used heroin needles and grotty condoms. Just making it down the A6 without hearing the word ‘oi you f*kin cant’ is about as common as seeing even the slightest sign of life in Smeeton Westerby.

Making it down the road, you will see the beautiful high street, iced like a cake made of sh*t with the [allegedly] worn down wine shop and the greasy legend known as Doner Kebab. If you don’t see a cancer cell cluster of 15 year old boys with smoker’s coughs and girls wearing almost nothing, you should count your blessings, you have survived the first stage of the gauntlet.

You hear a yell to your right. Who could it be? Oh right, its PC Win chasing some high school boys from the kids playground, interrupting the ‘sesh’ (a gathering in which a group of people get drunk and initiate in sexual intercourse).

How grim is your Postcode?

Finally, the jewel in the weed stained crown of Kibworth, the high school. A fortress of angry kids running wild, like autistic lions in a heavily fortified zoo. If you were to search the blazers of a couple of the kids, you would certainly [allegedly] find a couple **** and enough drugs to make a fiver from old Mr. butthurt down the road. [This is not true. We have to say that, because Headteachers of not-for-profit-on-paper academies are the bane of our existence]

Overall, I would recommend visiting this village. If you are looking to get shanked in the back, that is.

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