Kenilworth – A boring town full of old people

Living in Kenilworth, Warwickshire

Kenilworth is a town in Warwickshire full of the white middle class variety of old people who shop at the local Waitrose. The average age is 52. Despite the existence of many primary schools and its large secondary school, children are only usually seen going to and leaving these schools. The odd young person can be spotted in the main park Abbey Fields, or along the high street. The majority of youth spend their leisure in neighbouring Coventry or Leamington Spa where there are actually things to do.

The high street is a row of charity shops. Cancer Research has the nicest clothes as the ‘Kenilworthians’ care about the illnesses that have/could affect themselves, rather than starving children in foreign countries – The people of Kenilworth are selfish. Charities for the homeless have the worst clothes of course, you won’t find any tramps in Kenilworth as they’d get no spare change. With the ridiculous house prices you can’t half blame local residents for wanting to keep all the pennies.

Kenilworth boasts that it has the ruins of a castle that Elizabeth the 1st once visited. Kenilworthians take pride in their castle despite the neighbouring town of Warwick having the far superior Warwick Castle. And it really is THEIR castle as the previous owner left the castle to the ‘people of Kenilworth’ so they have free entry whenever they please.

How grim is your Postcode?

Discrimination against the working class and outsiders is high. The locals constantly complain about the grand total of TWO major council house roads – Guy Road and Hyde Road – which they claim the occupants are ‘too poor to live in Kenilworth’. Neighbouring Coventry is also seen as a disgusting place. A Kenilworthian must make at least 2 negative comments about Coventry being a dump each day. When Kenilworthians visit the other neighbouring town, Leamington Spa, they like to play a game called ‘Spot the Tramp’ where they point and laugh at the misfortune of the poor.

As for outsiders, I would not recommend anyone with a slight hint of a northern sounding accent (if you’re from the northern part of the midlands don’t think you are safe) to come to Kenilworth. You will be looked down upon like common dirt no matter how educated or how much money you and your family earn.

These are actual ignorant quotes I’ve heard from Kenilworth locals:
“Northern ****”
“Everything anyone from the North says is bullsh*t”
“But you’re from the North. There’s nothing there” – as for this I think you’ll find there’s nothing in your town but a pile of fallen bricks you call a castle and charity shops.
“There are people living in Kenilworth who can’t afford to live in Kenilworth”

Two years in this town has been too long for me.