Heywood: it has nothing to offer anyone who is normal and decent

Living in Heywood

Heywood is a relatively small town sandwiched between some of the most **** places in the north west. Head out of Heywood in any direction and you either get to Bury, Rochdale or Oldham.

Heywood is a boring place with not much for the common **** to do except steal from the local Morrisons and Dunnes and drink cheap cider in the back streets. The **** of Heywood is not a very clever ****, in fact here you will meet some of the dumbest, dole-collecting teenaged pregnant ******** you could ever wish to meet. I worked in a shop in Heywood and we had shoplifters who were considerate enough to leave behind their methodone prescriptions along with their names and addresses.

Heywood has plenty of ****** take-aways and pubs for the ***** including a wetherspoons and 2 working men’s clubs which reeks of piss and cheap beer. It is surrounded by council estates and ugly blocks of flats where the ***** live, breed and get high. If you ever have the mis fortune to drive through Heywood at night (NEVER go on foot) you will see the Heywood nightlife – a scary combination of fat teenage girls wearing next to nothing and letting all their flesh hang out, and skin head male scrotes with their pants tucked into their socks riding bikes meant for 2-year-olds. I would say that this is a threatening place, but it isn’t simply because these dickheads haven’t got the intelligence or the balls to successfully mug anyone.

How grim is your Postcode?

Heywood recently had its very own police station built so as to cut down the cost of carting these ugly little ****-wits off to Rochdale police station for the night.

Anyway my advice is NEVER come to Heywood, it has nothing to offer anyone who is normal and decent.