I might only be a tractor driver but I got a computer in me cab now, so I thought I would tell you about my local town. Chard used to be a right good old place. You could ‘ave a proper night out for a fiver at the rugby club and then get yer end away with some tart from Henson Park, you grabbed upstairs at the George. Appy days.
All changed now ‘course. Towns full of bloody foreigners aint it? Portuguese and them poles. Wouldn’t mind so much but the bastards only ever bring their ugly women over ere. They must keep all the pretty ones back ‘ome. They can’t all be as ugly as the ones they lets over ‘ere can they? Chard ‘ad more’n it’s fair share of ***** before the immigrants come over to work at Oscar Meyers and Hygrade (Thats a point. Ow come now Hygrades shut down they aint buggered off again? ). There’s more ***** per paving slab up and down Fore street and High street than you will see in any place in the country. Difference ‘ere is it’s like the united nations of chavdom.
Traccies, trainers, spray tans, Agos’s three for a fiver gold bling and thats the geezers ! Needs the united nations to keep the peace ere too. No one comes to Chard after dark, even the drongos from Yeovil wont venture out ere. Stupid as they are they aint that crazy. If you go to Accident and Emergency in Taunton any weekend night you can bet ‘alf of ’em comes from Chard. It’s a bad mean town, full of ugly men and even uglier women!
Chard should qualify for some sort of award as the roughest town in west country, probably the country. We had some geordie contractors staying here a few weeks ago, they pissed off early because there were too many fights for their liking and one got threatened with a bottle by a local *******. And they came from bleeding Gateshead!
So if you take my advice you want to program your Sat Nav so that it never ever takes you anywhere near Chard. Best bet is to stay on The M5 and keep well away.
Chard, the houses remind me of Cambridge… if it had been bombed
Bridgwater: like an open cesspit, the thickest sh*ts tend to accumulate here
Yeovil – Jewel of the **** Crown
“I hate life and Watchet” – said a poignant piece of graffiti
Nailsea: Where the old come to die
Bristol: A battle between hipster and yokel
Frome: Trapped in Vegan Hell
Glastonbury: it’s hard to find anyone who isn’t blowing shamanic smoke up their own ****
Minehead, Grockels come to here to paddle their hairy toes in the sea