Living in Billericay, Essex
  Written by Anonymous. Pic Via

Like Dickens’ ‘A tale of two cities” Billericay lies in the shadow of it’s larger more important smarter sister Brentwood, itself not without the spreading curse of Chavism.

A more sinister shadow cast upon the smallish town of Billericay (It’s dumb male residents immortalised in Ian Dury’s “Billericay Dickie”) is the dark influence of Basildon.

Now Bas. is not worth further mention as it has lost to Chavism beyond all hope and indeed was before the name was ever popularised. Billericay however, has a chance with it’s specialty shops, bustling high street and leafy side streets.

It is a shame however, that the high streets focal point is Iceland, the Chavs Harrods. Billericay deserves a lot of what it gets as it is too pretentious to notice the rise of Chavism (the list of Towns on this site ahow it is turning up everywhere) and is the only town I have parked in that makes you put part of your registration number in the machine when you buy a ticket.

Chavs presumably are mightily confused by this as their ‘wheels’ are no more than penis extensions with bass. If they could see their cars as we do they would realise what an act of self humiliation they are are promptly crash them into their local McDonalds for a mcflurry and emergency blood transfusion.

Billericay can be saved, it is up to the good folk who still live there whilst they are still in a majority. So remember, when you’re there (if you’ve escaped from Basildon say) and it seems that speaking to the locals is like a live rendition of Educating Rita give them a break.

How would YOU hold Basildon at bay? A bomb maybe?







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