Wootton Bassett… an offence to my name

Living in Royal Wootton Bassett, Swindon, Wiltshire
Living in Royal Wootton Bassett, Swindon, Wiltshire

Wootton Bassett… an offence to my name

SatireSouth WestWiltshirePic Via

I was unfortunate enough to move to Wootton Bassett as a 16 year old. Don’t be fooled by the Tudor library on the high street, or the word “Royal” that has been put in front of the name of this toilet town. A few posters have already commented about the people that represent 99% of the population of this soulless town and they were not wrong at all.

The local Yokels

In-breeding is rife. It is not just an insult aimed at Bassettonians, but it’s factually confirmed by the numerous cases of abuse reported by the poor doctors and teachers who have the misfortune to work in such a violent and intolerant environment and come into contact with these unfortunates every working day of their lives.

Small time thugs

Bassett is an incubator for small time thugs not brave enough to visit places like Swindon or Chippenham who have genuinely violent thugs, but who, like most playground bullies, feast on a younger more naive audience, who foolishly come to live in a place with the word “Royal” in front of it, mistaking it for Middleton frequenting places like [one we cannot name], they can **** up kids and helpless vulnerable adults to their hearts’ content.

The Pubs

The pubs, are full of unemployed squaddies from Lyneham who; due to the lack of drinking holes in their own town; typically drive to the pub, then 12 pints later drive back. The welcome in most pubs is very much like the scene in American Werewolf in London “NOT LOCAL… YOU MADE ME MISS” so if you want to fit in, it’s best to look like Phil or Grant Mitchel.

I’ve bored myself with memories of this hovel of a place, so I am going to stop wasting my energy. To conclude, don’t go there. The only place I have been that is worse, is Alsager… Now that’s a sh!thole.


Top 10 worst places to live in England 2020






  1. Pewsey: see the townies in their kevved-up Fiat Puntos by the Co-op

    Pewsey: see the townies in their kevved-up Fiat Puntos by the Co-op

  2. Wootton Bassett – 99.9% ****

    Wootton Bassett – 99.9% ****

  3. Trowbridge – An Unpolished Turdtown

    Trowbridge – An Unpolished Turdtown