Wootton Bassett – 99.9% ner’do’wells

Oh dear, I’ve lived in Wootton Bassett for donkey’s years now. I grew up in a peaceful neighborhood, went to good schools, made lots of friends. But children grow up don’t they?

My first day at secondary school was the scariest day of my school years. I was starting the year not knowing what the school was like, everyone else had induction days to get to know the school (I was on holiday during that time). The teachers were terrifying and I felt so small compared to everybody else. But none of that scared me more than the *****.

Around town and in school, there are ***** everywhere. I swear the population of Bassett was around 99% **** (I even saw an OAP ****!).

One day, me and my friend Alison were minding our own business when a 15 year old ******** came up to us and started making fun of the way Ali dressed. (I must admit, she was a little nerdy, poor Ali but she grew up on a farm with a strict family). The ******** was constantly barraging her with insults about how her socks were rolled up and how she wore her hair and whatnot. Thankfully, but somehow not thankfully at the same time, a second ******** bumped passed the third and started barraging her with insults about not bullying the younger kids etc. In the end, Ali and myself ended up getting soaked with dr. pepper. But not on purpose.

My second big encounter was when I became one of the scene culture. Big hair, thick eyeliner, skinny jeans and vans. Of course, the ***** chose me as their victim. By then I was a lot more confident and known for starting fights and arguments. I was walking up the stairs with my friend ‘other jess’ as we like to call her. When a **** about a few years younger (and shorter) then me stopped us and said “What have you done to your hair? It looks like sh**’ of course, i retaliated, letting my anger get the better of me and said ‘your face looks like sh** love’. Big mistake.

***** and ********’s can’t fight their own battles, they have to bring their ‘posse’ into their problems as well. The ********’s were shouting ‘oi say that to my face’ as I walked away with other jess. I finally turned round and shouted back ‘I just did…I wasn’t going to talk to your fat **** now was I?’ other jess immediately came up with a come-back that had me in hysterics. ‘you were talking to her ****’ she said ‘or was that lump on her shoulders her face?’.

I’ve had too many **** encounters in the past to list here. All of them were very funny though.

Bassett needs cleaning up… it’s not like Liverpool though!!

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