Want a fun, fulfilled, family friendly day out?
Do not come to Tooting!
If you however do feel like making a tenacious trip to Tooting (god forbid) you’ll be greeted with some of the most incredible sights South London has on offer. From the groups of teenagers in full adidas that make you keep your eyes down and quicken your pace, to the weekly stabbing, there’s never a dull moment.
And if it’s cleanliness you’re after, Tooting boasts the cheerful rundown look whilst also being extremely littered with tightly packed shops such as fabric stores and Aldi’s, and of course the dodgy market we all know and don’t really love. The local pub leaves the crackheads exposed to the innocent passers by, and once it hits 3pm, it’s best to call it quits, as school kids have already ravaged the scene. There is no hope for you at this point.
Whilst upper tooting looks eerily familiar to India, and tooting broadway is just overall on crack, you’d best stay away. Unless you’re a local, as then you automatically appear to gain herd immunity protection. But if you are an unfortunate outsider, a quick trip on a 270 bus would hopefully take you to a better place.
Penge, soon as you see the Railway Bridge you’ve doomed yourself for life
Shepherd’s Bush: the red-headed stepchild that thought it was special
Bexleyheath – a hive of villainy
Bermondsey: full of dangerous, ******, Sarf London sh*tbags
Thamesmead, one of the hottest up-and-coming charvo towns ever
Whitton, Twickenham…Where’s it all gone?
Wealdstone really is the ******** of Harrow
Hackney – Be careful what you wish for…