Irthlingborough is the breeding ground for the greater spotted Wellingborough chav, and is where chavs are raised and trained before being allocated swagger-and-stare time in the local capital of Wellingborough. As such, Irthlingborough constitutes the local university for future chavs, who are encouraged to come and study here for a well-rounded and comprehensive chav education.
The strict training regime involves, of course, regular furtive uniform outfitting trips to the Wellingborough shopping district, and time to be spent hanging around outside Tesco’s express to practice ‘menacing behaviour‘.
The second semester, and a factor influencing the intrinsic suitability of Irthlingborough for the purpose, involves use of the carpark visible from the Tescos ‘lecture theatre’ for ‘fiesta 1.1 wheelspin and handbrake training‘, followed by field trips onto the roundabout and high street. Points are given by the lead judges situated in the tescos area for noise, irritance, danger, with bonus marks awarded for the number of passers by scared into running away.
The latter part of the course includes ‘incest 101‘ (a speciality of the town), ‘advanced swaggering‘, ‘taking up the whole of the pavement and forcing pedestrians to walk in the road‘, ‘further swaggering‘, and of course, ‘procurement of age restricted supplies by harrassment‘.
On graduation, chavs are supplied with ceremonial cap and tracksuit, and are entitled to use of designatory letters R.sol. Studies are supported by ready supplies of white lightning and use of the ample local facilities for regular car burning and minimotorbiking.