Brierfield. Pendle’s Melanoma

Living in Brierfield, Pendle

Briefield, aka Chavistan or Brierstan (as used by the local Asian youths before you go off on your racial high horse) is the thorn in the side of one of England’s most beautiful countryside districts. The witches of Pendle have evolved and settled in this once industrial town to produce some of the most dysfunctional ****** up families in the north of England. They are so messed up Colne Social Services has a dedicated department just to deal with these wanna-be gangsters who would probably **** themselves if they came across a real life gangster.

The local school Marsden Shites thinks it is the bee’s knees of educational establishments but every child that goes there knows the truth about the place – pupils [allegedly] carrying knives, selling drugs and teachers that [allegedly] can’t even form a legible sentence in an email to a parent.

The highlight of an evening in Brierfield for the local youths, entails showing off your Rockweiler outside Dixy Chicken or kicking the **** out of whoever you fell out with the night before in Heyhead park.

How grim is your Postcode?

If you do decide to visit Pendle, do yourself a favour and hitch a ride off a witch and steer well clear of Brierfield.