Tongue: Top of Scotland, Bottom of the World

Tongue, what a place. Tongue is set in one of the most picturesque settings in the UK, lovely beaches, small mountains, what could be better. However the problem is the Ins. There are two types of Ins in Tongue the breds and the comers. The breds seem to think they own the place, and resent anyone who was not born and bred in the area for at least 5 generations.

The comers, well a few are lovely but most succumb to the ideology that those who have not had the fortune to see the wider world need to be treated with some kind of reverence, kid gloves and have a right to be rude, arrogant and own everything. Those who moved away for a while seem to have grown a bit in stature and many have a more 21st century view of the World rather than stuck in some prehistoric, non politically correct time warp.

So how about Tongue itself, well best not to forget Melness as well, probably even worse. The area is renowned for its sheep. They block the roads and generally run riot in the area. One trick when stuck behind them in a car is to learn a little Gaelic, such as ‘Tha thu gu math’ (“you’re pretty” in English) and see them run. It reminds them of the time when the local bachelors, who had no close relative to date, would go for a night looking for romance. The sheep have long memories and run as fast as their little legs will allow, and then there is the Cattle but we won’t go there, but I never ate the local Rump Steak.

Last of all is the haunting sound of Banjo’s that can be heard often in the Glens around Tongue and Melness. Anyone Canoeing who hears them should paddle as fast as they can. To get a real taste of Tongue go to the Fun Day, Father Ted’s Craggy Island Fun Day seemed to be modelled on this. Lots of Drunk angry people by the end of the day getting abusive and scaring away decent folk, oh well this is Tongue to a tee. My tip don’t stay too long.

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