Hagley, a not so quiet village

If somebody asked me to show them a middle class village, i would take them to Hagley. The little village is so middle class it hurts. It has a quaint train station, two shops, two pubs and a bit of grass. Oh and it’s also aggressively over-populated. The primary school has a flock of 30 something housewives milling about it permanently because they literally have nothing better to do with their time, as their husband is either off earning millions or getting absolutely twatted in The Station (infamous watering hole).

The first pub, West One, serves atrocious beer. Its sole purpose is to [do some alleged illegal activity we can’t publish] for some [medical professionals we can’t identify] and the only people that go in are those that are [allegedly] banned from The Station. The interior design is questionable to say the least, but the bar staff are hot and love flirting with 45 year olds. If you want an over-priced pint whilst sitting on a weird purple chair then this is your place.

Secondly, The Station. The King of Pubs. Well, not really, this pub is also monumentally average. Both the beer and food are indescribably bad. But it has however earnt cult status amongst the youth of Hagley. They religiously flock there week in week out to drink flat Fosters and just generally annoy everybody in there. They are all 18-24 and fuelled with their savings they go a tad overboard. The lone cubicle has [allegedly] seen more drugs than Pete Doherty and on a weekend the whole toilet is often filled with piss. They occupy the booth chanting utter **** for a good few hours. The weathered old cows and Weird [someone we can’t name] behind the bar occasionally wake up and kick off, but apart from that are left to their own devices. [Another person we can;t name] will work there forever and [an unnamed woman] wants her funeral in there. They then head off to Chicago’s in Stourbridge. This tragic cycle is repeated week in, week out, no exceptions.

Moving away from the wonky nightlife, Hagley also has a lovely chip shop, its won multiple awards and is actually really nice. It’s ran by an [alleged coffee addict] and his merry lieutenants but it is very good. Speaking of drugs, Hagley somehow manages to produce an incredibly high rate of drug dealers. Half of Haybridge now sells coke and/or weed and the lovely high school is rife with bad behaviour.

That is literally everything in Hagley. **** load of houses and a high street. Middle class suburbia at its finest.

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