If you say you live in The delightful river town of Bewdley in Worcestershire, you are often greeted with “oh how lovely” and stories about walking down the river with a bag of chips etc etc.
There is a selection of giant douchebags who live here – and we start with the kids.
The teenage lads in this town are usually spoilt sh*tless hooray henries with iphones and haircuts like “one direction” – mincing about in skinny jeans trying to look hard down the sand park with a can of beer stolen from their parents and a fag between them – these guys think thet are real bad a*s, but they really arent, they are just poncy mommies boys who have never left the teat.
The complaints of these farmer sounding inbread yuppies is usually that they only had £2000 spent on them at Christmas and “my dad” owns this and “my dad” owns that,
The girls are usually orange faced duck pouters who look like little transvestites, usually with a crowd of lads around them, mainly because theres about 3 girls to 26 lads here – consequently, there is alot of inbreeding here – Bewdley is known as “the home of the 6 fingered glove” for this reason.
There should be a sign up by the bridge that says “IF YOU WERENT BORN HERE, YOU ENT WELCOME HERE – BEWDLEY WELCOMES CAREFUL DRIVERS….AND ALCOHOLICS.
At weekends, unless you like to be surrounded by c**v girls in cheap shoes and mini skirts from kidderminser, bewdley and stourport, staggering around and screaming their heads off trying to stop Keiran and Mickey fighting outside Arches bar over a funny look, or simply because one of them isn’t from Bewdley and therefore represents a threat in diluting the already very shallow gene pool, stay away!!
How many small towns have 3 to 4 police cars waiting on high street for the weekend drinkers?
The other problem is the older men and women – absolutely raving alcoholics, constantly stood outside arches bar and the black boy, blathering on about the same old stories – things that happened ten years ago but its current news here – piss heads every last one. Frankly, it’s the only thing to do here and then there’s the snooty 60 plus retired bigots to worry about – they don’t like outsiders, young people or non-christians.
Basically, if you are not a gypsy/traveller, a pouting duck faced foundation slapped teenage girl or a raving booze hound – dont bother