Cwmbranistan – you couldn’t make it up

Living in Cwmbran

The signpost at Cwmbranistan train station states ‘ Alight here for shopping’ which to the imbeciles amongst us means get off the train for our quality shopping area now complete with roof.

50,000 poor souls live in this 1949 architects wet dream and 1000 of these wildlings work in a local well known biskwit establishment adding their special ingredient to the dodgy jammy shortbread nuggets ( see what i did there) Locals are allowed to purchase special bags of broken biscuits and often give them to fellow Cwmbranistanians as a bribe for sexual return.

The term Micro Climate was invented here and the name Cwmbran translates as Valley of the Crow, which is the only non human form people here have ever seen.

How grim is your Postcode?

There are no rivers in Cwmbran any more as they have been lost to time with discarded empty 2ltr bottles of 7% cider, wrappers from burger ********* and general flotsam and jetsam otherwise known locally as incest jonnies.