Living in Cwmbran
Written by Anonymous Visitor and posted in Wales

The signpost at Cwmbranistan train station states ‘ Alight here for shopping’ which to the imbeciles amongst us means get off the train for our quality shopping area now complete with roof.

50,000 poor souls live in this 1949 architects wet dream and 1000 of these wildlings work in a local well known biskwit establishment adding their special ingredient to the dodgy jammy shortbread nuggets ( see what i did there) Locals are allowed to purchase special bags of broken biscuits and often give them to fellow Cwmbranistanians as a bribe for sexual return.

The term Micro Climate was invented here and the name Cwmbran translates as Valley of the Crow, which is the only non human form people here have ever seen.

There are no rivers in Cwmbran any more as they have been lost to time with discarded empty 2ltr bottles of 7% cider, wrappers from burger shitholes and general flotsam and jetsam otherwise known locally as incest jonnies.

  • Andy Dingley

    Cwmbran – the emerald city on the road out of Newport.

  • Charles Richardson

    I assume your not a fan of the new town concept and this town with it’s central hub idea with people shipped in from all across the UK to supply labour for the now defunct businesses certainly isn’t the best example of the new town concept , if you like the idea of the shopping area being at the centre of the town along with roundabouts joined to roundabouts with an extra helping of roundabouts ( you can even buy stickers that say Cwmbran , home of the roundabouts ) with a biscuit factory and a brake component factory that has been threatening to close for decades , this could be your Mecca