Bracknell has been awarded a prestigious prize as Englands ‘Town of the Year’.
“We have all been working towards this and are all so proud of the result”.
Some however have questioned the award, with even one resident of a nearby competing town claiming ‘I don’t think the person who gave the award has ever visited Bracknell because he would be dead’. Famous for once being used as a post apocalyptic backdrop in the Dr Who Series some people have said Bracknell is an ‘eyesore’ and was more economically advanced when it was still a forest. ‘The only thing that comes out of Bracknell is dog s**t – and I mean alot’. Some Reading University intellectuals have claimed that much can be learnt from Bracknell, especially its residents. One leading scholar has been attempting to learn the highly technical language and gave us an example:
‘Yo manz wot b duwn n’al likez ha uz got ma sum of da crak or splif blud yeh swet muh sefe na kredt un ma fon sknt lik wen z za fukn gyro dy needz ma fukn benefts bruv gt ut ma fukn crib mete srts u al ot if uz dnt fk yrselvs n ur mum n’all.’
The area is soon to be deemed a national heritage site along with the likes of Stone Henge. ‘We would not like such a gemstone like this to be ruined by the free market and neo-liberal consumerism.’ After genetic testing of the local inhabitants its was noticed that they are 100% more likely to become pregnant before reaching the age of 16. One person said ‘its not f**king genetics – its just what you would expect of the underclass of modern Britain.’
Attention has now turned towards next years awards and nearby towns, most notably Aldershot, appear to be rising to the challenge. ‘Our squaddies are much tougher than your average Bracknell c**t and were coming to kick their f**king ass’.