Away from the bright hair and big piercings, Camden has a side to it that would put Guildford, Dagenham and any other of the dross-holes nationwide to shame (or is that pride?).
Being Camden born and bred it shames me to say that my home town is a production line of hooped-earring/flat-brimmed baseball capped wallies with the vocabulary of a pre-born wild boar. Saying that, a lot of them are quite hard and I may well get a kicking if they read this.
Top spot to visit is Belushi’s, which is a bar that must be an act of antipodean revenge on the British to get back at us for the poor service given on the boats going down under in the 1700’s. A Friday nght in there is like an explosion in a beige and tartan factory. There should be tigers jumping through the girl’s earrings and the lads’ trackie bottom waistlines are closer to the deck than their bellies.
Also, being London’s 3rd (I think) most popular tourist attraction, we get ***** from all over the world. It is a truly heart-warming sight to see so many dimwits, from so many nations, congregating at the Lock on a Sunday afternoon. Despite being a home to so many of the UK’s brightest sparks, this lot manage to lower the IQ of the area by about 60%.
The crowning moment was seeing one of them telling a lad (of Somalian heritage) who was born here and raised here and has never claimed a penny in benefits to: “**** off back where you comes from” (sic).
Maybe it’s because I’m a Londoner?
PS No offence to any of the local ***** that may read this. Although, if you can switch on a computer, you’ve probably graduated from **** to prat.
For the uninitiated may I introduce you to Camden Town or ‘**** Town’ as it’s know locally. Upon arrival you will be greeted by a man selling pants, not ordinary pants but fake calvins no less and to go with your new pants you will no doubt wish to purchase the obligatory ‘Burberry’ scarf, genuine of course. Once kitted out in your new clobber you can attend one of the fine local eateries to show of your new purchases, a wide choice of restaurants are on offer from the likes of burger King, MCD’s and our favourite Chicken Cottage!!! You may wish to stop on your way, to purchase the ultimate **** accessory, a lighter in the shape of a gun so you can play at being a ‘gangsta’. Should you have trouble finding these restaurants just look down and follow the line of spit and empty cans of ‘White Star’. Once inside you can order from a wide range of exotic cusine (Burgers or chicken) and then while away the rest of your day bogging out people as they walk in or asking ‘Whats your ******’ problem’ and then sucking through your teeth. Should you tire of this you have Camden Market within spitting distance to really go to down for fake burberry and of course this seasons latest accessory, Von Dutch. A wide variety of smoking paraphernalia can be bought along with some ‘weed’ (straw) for those like minded. After a busy days spitting and shopping you will need a drink and where better than the ***** favourite, a wetherspoons! (cunningly disguised by renaming it Lloyds) Here you can really go to down on cheap alco-pops and usually a fight. On behalf of the Camden Tourist Board we invite you to visit this beautiful part of London soon with your **** mates or Hood **** as we like to call them.