Totteridge: Where every Tesco comes with a bunch of ********!

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to live in the depths of hell? Then Come visit Totteridge where every 13 year old girl gets a pram bought for her at Xmas!

Even though there’s a Tesco on every f*cking corner, unemployment is still through the roof, as you’ve got more chance of getting a ******* from the luscious lips of Abby Clancy than these benefit spongers getting a job!

I suppose the one good thing about there being a Tesco on every corner, is the self service checkouts. They take the embarrassment out of buying Lube, Condoms and The Sun!

To top it all off, every hood rat and their benefit scrounging parent (dad’s normally in prison) will mug you for a pack of skittles and a shoe lace, because they’ve already got their knock off pair of Jordans from the dodgy geezer that lives at flat number 4!

I mean I always feel relatively safe living here, that’s because every night there’s a police helicopter flying overhead, trying to catch the newest ******** idea of “whats yours is mine” with a car chase that normally ends up with them ditching the car and legging it through the woods, only to be caught and banged up!

The women! All I’ll say is that if Marlow’s full of yummy mummies 😉 then Totteridge is full of tuna and sweetcorn minges, which are 3 times the normal size due to the non belief in rubbers, with one eye for their cousin and another eye for getting dirty water sprayed all over their faces!

Totteridge, just the name reminds of the time I caught the eye of the hot ***** on the Train, and just like living in Totteridge, she also felt uneasy!

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