Doncaster (Donn-eh)

Next stop on the world tour of South Yorkshire is “Donn-eh” or as it is known in the queen’s english, Doncaster. Most people will have passed through this place at some point in there lives – they are the sensible ones! Waiting around to change trains in the train station is bad enough but if you have ever ventured outside of there…..Scallies abound everywhere.

Unique to Doncaster however seem to be a real odd breed of women -“*********” in this town with a real strange attitude problem – they don’t want anything to do with the Henri Lloyd/Hackett shirt wearing brigade (they think they are above these “scroats”) so spend money on expensive haircuts to look decent but then run out of money so the croptop & boots have to come from New Look!! Or shops in the discount/seconds/reject centre officially known as “The Yorkshire Outlet”. The “look at me” attitude remains though? But the sort of blokes they want to pull still see through these girls for what they really are – so after numerous disappointments in the city centre, this type of “********” will still eventually fall into the pattern of behaviour outlined below.

For younger ****’s, Priory Walk is the main going-out at night, bars are open til 1am but elsewhere attitude problems, tattoos, muscle bound oiks and shaven heads are everywhere. Then come the men….For example the 20 stone, 45 year old type of females who bear more than a passing resemblance to a rugby scrum half (complete with broken nose) will be found in Livingstone’s, trying it on with the poor 18 year old glass collector who is saving up some money for a gap year and will be asking “why all the decent men are taken…” when he says he has a girlfriend.

How grim is your Postcode?

Go shopping in Doncaster’s main mall the Frenchgate Centre & the picture gets even worse! **** hang around in there for 2 reasons:- 1) it makes a change from Mc Donalds, or 2) have been moved on from Mc Donalds by the Police)
and will stare you out if you happen to be wearing any items of clothing which cost more than £15. Once a year they may get out the old knackered Nova or Corsa (if it passes the MOT) – age is no restriction here! – and drive to Meadowhall in faraway Sheffield (all of 22 miles) to do exactly the same….. When ejected from there by the centre’s security they give up and go back to their ****** little villages which surround Doncaster – e.g. Bentley, Askern etc where they will meet a partner, (most likely a family member), breed ****** offspring, go to town satdi’ neet (English: – at the weekend), regardless of whether or not the kids are suffering from malnourishment, get a dead-end job (at some stage of life) and then die, fortunately for the tax payer!

Geography:- “Donn-eh” is wanting city status – and there is a new international airport being built at this minute. The council hope that this will generate investment and raise the profile of the area. Doncaster council’s new advertising slogan is “Discover the Spirit”. This must be a coded reference to Polish Spirit because stay too long here and you’d need that to cope. Lack of real career opportunities and culture mean that the reality is that the town is a breeding ground for *****, while Rotherham and Barnsley (the neighbouring towns) are even worse. Plus on some of the GNER services which pass through Doncaster the following stop on the London-bound train is Peterborough…Say no more!!

What a great advert for emigration this town is!