Yeovil – the hidden gem of **** culture

SomersetSouth West

Yeovil, a beautiful, quaint, peaceful town located in Somerset, the South West of England.


Often heard of, never visited except by the unfortunate. There was a rumour that noone ever relocates to Yeovil, people only leave, I can see why.

Yeovil is a bubble of **** society thriving on its own eco system. ****’s live and breed completely oblivious to the wider world around them. They have no need to leave Yeovil; **** shops, **** homes, **** cars, **** clothes, **** culture all intertwine with no concept of living in a national or even dare I say global community. A decrepit run down town built on the former glory of two industry ex-leaders. Pittards a glove and leather making factory and Westland’s a military factory.

These two employers provide the **** populace with the earning power to erupt in an orgy of booze and violence on Friday and Saturday nights in the town centre. Yeovil per population has the most violent crime rate in England. Something the **** locals love to point out.

For example ****’s jump at the chance to pay £10 to drink all the cheap booze they want in one night at Le Jarden nightclub. (Le Jarden use to be called Gardens until it was burnt down for insurance purposes and rebuilt with a touch of class!)

Other ‘trendy’ **** havens in Yeovil include ‘The Core’ formerly known as ‘Dukes’, ‘Studios’, and errrr that’s it. Of course there is a more up-market area in Yeovil with some nice bars and restaurants if you want to escape the chavvy locals……hold on, no there isn’t! that’s it, that’s your lot. There is no escape.

The factories also provide the funding that allows the **** clans to fight over the run down council territories (is Yeovil the only town to have a proper trailer park?). It allows them to dress themselves in the usual **** drippings of tracky bottoms, Reeboks and fake gold bling.

Walking up through the town centre on a Saturday is a harrowing experience. Start your walking tour at Yeovil bus station and enjoy the lovely concrete architecture that greets you at every turn. Once you pass the £1 discount stores and fruit machine arcades offering hand painted urns as prizes (these are extremely sought after in the **** community) you reach the central business district of Yeovil shopping. A plethora of gambling, sports and mobile phone shops. I believe Yeovil also has more phone shops than any other town in Britain. Yeovil ***** luv 2 txt 1 nother.

Stop off for some lunch at Gregg’s bakers, feeding ***** greasy sausage rolls for twenty years. Or you can of course frequent Burger King or try out the latest fast food fashion to hit Yeovil. Yes a Mcdonald’s drive thru recently opened on the outskirts of town, next to the trailer park. The appearance of Mcdonalds in 1999 was similar to the second coming of Christ for **** locals. The only disappointment is the location, Burger King is closer to the town centre, closer to the council blocks and there’s lots of bench’s to sit on while looking moody and feeding your chips to the **** sprogs. Thus BK wins the **** dollar in the fast food stakes.

A recent spate of up-market clothes stores has appeared to placate the new breed of wealthier fashion savvy ***** with money to burn. (The lucky ***** upgraded to line managers at Pittards leather factory). Burtons and Next provide all the loveliest togs available, even though with further inspection it seems Yeovil receives the dog end of the clothes store lines, with at least fifty variations on white shirts with patterns on; from Chinese symbols to flames, this is the place to shop.

Thus ends the description of probably the chavviest town in Somerset, if not the UK. An unsung haven of **** culture, remember if you’re not from Yeovil you can **** off back to where you came from.

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